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There was this second, maybe even only a fraction of a second, where I wanted to climb back into bed and have sex with him again. It would’ve been so easy, it would’ve felt so good, it would’ve been exactly what I wanted, which was exactly why I knew I had to go.
“I didn’t mean to sleep here last night, Kyle,” I said, the anger oozing from my mouth.
“Oh.” He sat up. “Shit.” I watched as he lazily rolled out of bed and searched for his pants. He was moving, but I needed him to move faster. “I’ll call for a ride home.” He plucked his phone out of his pants pocket. “Or do you wany some breakfast? I don’t want you to think I’m kicking you out. I mean—I want you to stay. Look I’m already hard. We should fuck again.”
I glared at him. How could he not sense the mood shift in the room. How could he not see how frantic I was? I was nothing more than a good fuck for Kyle Beckford and I didn’t know why I deluded myself into thinking otherwise.
“Can you just get me a fucking car,” I snapped.
Kyle’s mouth dropped and he covered his dwindling erection with one hand while he scrolled through his phone with the other. “Yep,” he said, frost covering that one word.
“I never even told my mom I wasn’t coming home,” I say, walking out of his bedroom in search of my bag.
“I’m sure she stayed with Lily all night, Emma,” Kyle said.
The rational, non-guilty part of my brain that knew he was just trying to be helpful said to be kind to him. We had an amazing night together, he hinted at maybe, possibly, wanting me. We could really, truly have something here because I obviously wanted something more with him. But, the larger, impulsive part of my brain that was screaming at me to get home to my daughter and be a good mom because I was the only parent she had was telling me to get away from him as quickly as possible.
I needed to hurt him before he hurt me.
I needed hurt him because I was hurting.
My bag was downstairs by the door, and I wasn’t even sure if I put t there. He probably paid someone to bring it to me. I pawed through my purse until I found my phone. It had a low battery, but I didn’t have a single missed text of call from my mom. I had one text from Krista thanking me for coming. That was it. Everything was okay.
I quickly messaged my mom to let her know everything was okay with me and that I was on my way home.
“Everything okay?” Kyle asked, standing behind me. He was wearing pants now.
“Yeah. For now,” I quipped, not even sure why. “Is my ride almost here?” I asked.
Kyle checked his phone. “Two minutes.”
The sprinkling of hair across his chest was doing something to me. I hated how even in that moment, when I was worried out of my mind about Lily, I still wanted him. Kyle was the worst kind of person for me. I was obsessed with him, as fucked up as that was, and there was no room for him in my life. I tried to picture Lily and me moving into his show home. We didn’t fit. There was no room for messy art projects and baby dolls with tangled hair. There was no room for screaming crying tantrums and boxes and boxes of diapers.
I was a packaged deal. I needed to start acting like it.
“What the fuck am I doing?” I said to myself, shaking my head.
“Emma,” Kyle said. “Just relax.”
I laughed humorlessly. “Just relax. Right. Great advice.”
“I don’t get it. Your mom is with Lily. Everything is fine.”
I was seeing red, practically seething with rage. “You’re right you don’t get it. And you’re not someone who ever will. Being a parent is hard. Being a single parent is even harder. But you have no interest in the mom aspect of my life, right?”
Kyle hesitated. It was a short pause, but it was a pause nonetheless. “Emma—”
“Just don’t, okay? Don’t say anything. I don’t want to hear it anyway.” I swung my bag over my shoulder, took, one, two, three steps to the front door, and then stepped out. I paused, sure Kyle was going to come after me.
When he didn’t, I nodded to the driver who was opening the door for me and climbed into the back seat of the small luxury car.
I had my answer. I knew, without a doubt, that Kyle and I weren’t meant to be. Being with him was a fantasy, a school girl crush, and he just proved he wasn’t ready to have Lily in his life. With one last look at his beautiful mansion, I mentally resolved to myself to never but some man before Lily again. The right man would always, always understand that she came first.
Chapter 19
Kyle
“Justsignhereandhere where I put the stickers and then I’ll overnight this contract to the builder right away,” Emma said, her tone light and professionally. It was practically the only way she spoke to me anymore.
