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The silence hangs heavily between us, stifling any semblance of normalcy or ease. It becomes an oppressive presence, a reminder of the pain and tension that now exists between us. I want to speak, to apologize, to find a way to make things right, but my voice fails me. The weight of guilt presses down upon my chest, stealing the words from my tongue. I’ve never seen a man tearful and upset like this before and I don’t know how to fix it. In that excruciating silence, I scramble to find the right words to repair the damage, trying to alleviate the pain etched on Blake’s face.
My tongue feels heavy. I allowed my anger to consume me, to cloud my judgment, and now I am left grappling with the consequences of my thoughtless words. I find myself paralyzed. I’m afraid to say anything else for fear of further exacerbating the situation. I take a tentative breath, my voice trembling with sincerity as I finally find the strength to break the suffocating silence.
“Blake, I’m so sorry,” I whisper, the words carrying the weight of my remorse. I force the words out, knowing that I need to admit I was immature and in the wrong. “I didn’t mean what I said. I was angry and frustrated, and I lashed out without thinking. I deeply regret my words.”
The vulnerability in his eyes softens, replaced by a mixture of pain and longing.
His voice quivers slightly as he responds, “Lily, it’s not just about the shoes. It’s about trust, respect, and understanding between us. I’ve been trying to find a way to connect with you. I thought we had something good. I thought…” He trails off.
Tears well up in my own eyes, mirroring the pain and regret that I see in his. “I never wanted to push you away, Blake,” I confess, my voice laced with genuine remorse. “I’ve been carrying emotional baggage, and it clouded my judgment. I allowed my past experiences to taint my perception, and it was unfair to you.”
“I know,” he replies, pushing his palms up and against his face as if embarrassed at his display of emotion. “You didn’t mean it.”
Blake is nothing like my ex and I think I forgot that for just a moment and reacted poorly.
“I just…” My words are lost. I don’t know what to say. “I’m sorry.”
As the weight of our words hangs in the air, a fragile thread of understanding begins to form, weaving its way through the pain and hurt. We both bear scars and in this moment of vulnerability, we start to see the complexities of each other’s lives. It’s a fragile foundation, one that requires compassion, forgiveness, and a willingness to rebuild what has been shattered.
“Lily, I think I have to tell you something.”
Chapter 10
Blake
“Whatisit?”sheasks me softly. “What are you not telling me?” Lily leans in, her gaze never wavering, as if silently encouraging me to continue. The vulnerability in her eyes gives me the courage to push forward.
For a moment, my emotions make me weak, and it takes time to compose myself. But I take a deep breath, my heart pounding in my chest as I prepare to reveal the painful truth that has haunted me for the past year. I glance toward the door to make sure it’s properly shut. I don’t want anyone overhearing us.
Sitting across from Lily, I see her eyes are filled with a mixture of curiosity, empathy, and regret. I know that it’s time to open up and share the darkest chapter of my life. I know she’s sorry. She didn’t mean what she said. She felt pushed into a corner and thought I was insulting her.
“I need you to understand,” I begin, my voice trembling slightly, “that my decision to move back home wasn’t just about starting over or finding a fresh start because my wife left me. It was driven by something much deeper. I never cheated on my wife. I’m not divorced, Lily. I’m…I’m a widower. I lost my wife, Sarah, to cancer,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
The words hang heavy in the air, the weight of the truth pressing down on me. I look up at Lily and I watch the devastation of my secret hitting her all at once.
“It was unexpected,” I admit. “Devastating. She was my everything.”
As I speak, memories of Sarah flood my mind—her infectious laughter, her warm embrace, and the way she brought light and joy into my life. The pain of her loss resurfaces, raw and unyielding as if it had just happened yesterday. I don’t think I will ever be able to get over losing her. I can’t ever recover. It happened so fast and there was nothing we could have done to stop it. It was already too late. Before we could process what was happening, she was already gone. She was dead within a week.
“The affairs you’ve read about were just flings that all happened afterward,” I explain. “They meant nothing. One-night stands where women wanted to be something more because they liked who I was. They sold their silly stories to the tabloids for money. I never cheated on anyone. I was just lonely. The playboy persona you’ve read about was nothing but a defense mechanism—a way to avoid the pain of losing Sarah. I refused to commit to them because I wanted my wife back, Lily. But she’s gone.”
I gulp thickly, emotion caught in my throat. Even talking about it is too much for me. It feels fresh. Raw. I care about Lily and I feel like she deserves to know. Emma has become so dear to Ethan, and she’s dear to me, too. Somehow, they’ve both become so important in such a small amount of time. I hadn’t realized it was possible, but here I am.
“I was drowning after I lost her,” I try to explain, somehow managing to hold it together. It’s difficult to think back to that time. “Ethan stopped talking. He was having meltdowns all the time. Well, panic attacks. I thought he was being naughty.” I laugh bitterly. I made so many mistakes back then. “He started getting bullied because he wouldn’t talk, and the other kids were awful to him. I had to pull him out of school.”
She looks sad as she listens to me talk, but she doesn’t interrupt me. She gives me time. She waits until I pause before she speaks.
“So, he can’t talk at all?” she asks sadly. “It wasn’t my place to ask, so I didn’t.”
“Selective mutism,” I reply. “He’s going to a child psychologist. They say it’s a form of anxiety. A result of the trauma. He saw the worst of it when she died. She had a seizure,” I explain, “a big one. We didn’t know until after, but it had spread to her brain. That was when…He was there when she died. She left in an ambulance and then…she never came home.”
Lily looks at me, her face full of grief as she begins to understand why Ethan is the way he is and why I’m so protective of him, and why I’m here and doing all of this.
“I didn’t handle it well. Any of it.” I gulp thickly. “So, I decided it would be best if we moved back home to be with Olivia,” I continue, my voice steadier now.
“That sounds sensible. You two were always close,” she replies. “We all were.”
She’s right. We were. I’ve known Lily for a long time. Almost all my life. Being around her feels easy. Maybe that’s why the emotions have come back so easily. I was already half in love with her when we were kids. Now this almost feels like a second chance. Just picking back up where we left off.
