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“She’s the only family I have left, the one person who understands the depths of my grief. We’ve always taken care of each other,” I say about Olivia.
Lily’s expression softens, her eyes filled with compassion. I can see that she understands the weight of loss and the heaviness that comes with navigating life after a tragedy. I know that she lost her parents when she was young. I was there for the aftermath; I remember the funerals like they were yesterday. At that moment I realize the depth of her pain. She’s had to build walls around her heart, too. For the first time, I wonder why it is. I realize I’ve been selfish. I’ve been so lost in my own struggle that I haven’t stopped to think about where Emma’s father is in all of this. I starting to think I know the answer.
Her voice breaks the silence, filled with sincerity and regret. “Blake, I’m so sorry for what I said earlier. I completely misunderstood the situation. I overreacted and I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that over some stupid shoes. I had no idea of the pain you’ve been carrying all this time. I was wrong to judge you. I…” She looks away, embarrassed for a moment. “I made the mistake of searching online. I saw you’d had lots of flings in the past year, so I wrongly assumed you cheated on your wife, not that she was…Well, I’m sorry. I thought you might have been playing some kind of game with me.”
I reach out and hesitantly, I gently place my hand over hers, offering comfort and understanding. “Lily, I appreciate your apology, and I understand where your words came from. I’m annoying sometimes, I push people away, and I’m grumpy and blunt. But to be honest, I’m still heartbroken. I never expected that I would have to bury my wife and the mother of my child. I thought we’d have more time together.” My voice cracks and I lose my composure. “I’m sorry,” I gasp, bringing my hands to my face to hide my grief.
I shouldn’t be crying like this. She must think that I’m so weak. What kind of man acts this way? I should be stronger. I should be able to hold myself together.
“No, don’t apologize,” she tells me gently. “I can’t imagine how difficult that must be for you and Ethan. I can’t say that I fully understand that type of grief, I don’t remember much about my parents now, but I know pain.”
Her eyes meet mine, vulnerability shining through. “Matthew,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper.
I don’t recognize the name, so I assume that she’s talking about an ex-boyfriend. Emma’s father.
“He hurt me, Blake. He shattered my trust and left me wary of opening up to anyone.” She gulps and looks down, breaking our eye contact. I can see the pain there. “He was always awful, but I kept thinking that he would get better. I thought maybe if I tried harder that things would improve. I got pregnant with Emma and things were okay for a while. So, I thought I’d figured it out. We could create a family together and we would be happy. Then, after she was born, he was worse than ever. He told me that he didn’t want children, that he never had.” She pauses for a moment. “He said that Emma had ruined my body and that he wasn’t attracted to me anymore. And then he left.”
I can’t believe the words that I’m hearing. Ruined her body? No longer attracted to her? I can’t help but glance down, looking her over. Lily is, and always has been, an attractive girl. She has silky chestnut brown hair and warm hazel eyes which reflect her kindness and determination. She has a slender yet curvaceous figure. I can’t see a single thing wrong with her.
I remember how worried Sarah was after she had Ethan, how her body changed from having our son. I only loved her more for that. It’s a man’s job to love their woman unconditionally. After having a baby, Lily must have felt so awful being told such a terrible thing. She was hormonal and struggling with motherhood and all the highs and lows. The last thing she needed was her partner uttering such disgusting words to her. I can see how it’s stuck with her.
“He was an asshole.” She scoffs and I can see the tears in her eyes. “Being away from him has made me realize that it was never me. It was always him that was the problem.”
I nod, agreeing with her wholeheartedly. We must both look a mess, sitting there and sniffling together, crying over the things that we haven’t been able to move past.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
I understand Lily more and I feel heavy guilt about the remarks I’ve made about her appearance. To me, they were offhanded. But to her, they were triggering—a harsh reminder of Matthew and what she’s been through. I’ve been awful to her, and I know I need to make it up to her.
“He comes back every once in a while,” she continues, “demanding to see her.” She rolls her eyes. “But he’s bored within a few days and then she ends up confused. Then it’s me that picks up the pieces.”
I nod, my heart aching for her. The pain she carries, and the walls she’s erected, resonate deeply with my struggles. We share a bond, forged through loss and heartbreak. It connects us in ways I never imagined. It’s the same, but different.
“We’ve both been through hell,” I say softly, my voice filled with empathy. “But maybe, just maybe, we can help each other heal. We can…take it one step at a time?”
I want that chance with her. I want things between us to be better.
“I’d like that,” she tells me tearfully.
As our eyes lock, a newfound understanding passes between us. Our shared pain has the power to bind us together, to create a space where healing can take place. I feel a glimmer of hope, a flicker of light amidst the darkness that has overshadowed my life.
I stand and she does too. We lean forward at the same time, stepping into each other’s space. For the first time since we were teenagers, we embrace. I feel lighter. We stay like that for a few moments and then we pull away and compose ourselves.
“I’m sorry for the thoughtless things that I’ve said to you. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad about yourself,” I tell her. My hands grip her arms softly for a moment. “I think you’re beautiful and if I ever comment about how you look it’s because I’m worried about what the girls in the store will say about you, not because it’s what I think.”
She smiles, her eyes still tearful.
“Okay,” she says, looking much more secure with that knowledge.
The road ahead won’t be easy, but with Lily by my side, I feel a newfound strength and resilience. We stand there together, vulnerable and open. I realize that perhaps there’s a chance for us to find solace in each other’s arms. Our shared pain becomes the foundation upon which something beautiful can grow. I hope that love can bloom from the depths of our brokenness.
Chapter 11
Lily
Sincethen,thingsimprove.I’m still secretly humiliated about what I said to Blake, but he seems to have forgiven me. Thankfully, our childish argument is in the past. It’s so easy to fall into a routine together. We go to work in the week and at the weekend, poor Livy gets a break from auntie duties. Even after spending so much time together, I find that I just want to be with Blake even more. It’s silly really. I’m an adult. I shouldn’t be acting like some love-sick teenager, but I can’t help it. We seem to get each other.
He’s been so good to me by supporting me at work. After my first paycheck, things get so much easier for me, and I can even afford to buy enough groceries. I’m not worried about the next bill coming in.
