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As I read about the signs and symptoms of pregnancy, my mind wanders to Blake. The memory of his gentle touch and kind words resurfaces, mingling with the uncertainty that fills my heart. Would this be a blessing or a burden? I’m torn between the fear of the unknown and the glimmer of hope that dances in the corner of my mind.
We’ve not talked about being official, but Blake has become vulnerable and soft to me and he’s been nothing but amazing. I can’t imagine him being angry about this. I worry because of what happened with Matthew, but when I think about Ethan and how loved he is, I squash that down.
But…that would be another child in the mix. Ethan and Emma and a baby. Suddenly, the room feels suffocating, and I stumble out of bed, needing air. I walk to the window, staring out at the world beyond, hoping to find clarity amidst the chaos of my thoughts. The sky is darkening with painted with hues of pink and orange, a reminder that life and time go on, regardless of the turmoil within me. I realize we’ve not even had dinner. We’ve snacked in bed all day and Emma is napping despite the late hour. I’m going to regret that now. I try not to dwell on it. I’ll try to make her something in a minute.
I take a deep breath, the cool air filling my lungs, and a sense of calm washes over me. I realize that I don’t have all the answers, and that’s okay. Whatever lies ahead, I am strong enough to face it. I am not alone. Emma’s love and support, along with the possibility of a stronger connection with Blake, give me strength.
Closing my eyes, I offer a silent prayer to the universe, asking for guidance and clarity. I know that the road ahead may be challenging, but I am ready to face it head-on. There’s no point worrying about the unknown. I know I have to do a pregnancy test. I head to the bathroom, hoping that I have an old one somewhere. Thankfully, I spot a blue packet at the back of the cabinet.
Chapter 14
Blake
Mymindisconsumedwith worry as I drive to Lily’s house, the weight of concern pressing heavily on my chest. Thoughts of Lily and Emma’s well-being swirl through my head, fueling my determination to offer them support and comfort in any way I can. I know I’m overreacting, spiraling. I’m worrying too much. Since Sarah’s cancer, I worry about little illnesses and silly symptoms. I know that I just need to see with my own eyes that they’re okay. I know it’s the only way to settle my overthinking mind.
I park the car and gather the small gesture I prepared—homemade soup and a get-well card from Ethan. I hope that this simple act will bring a smile to Lily’s face and alleviate some of her discomfort. As I walk up the path to the front door, my heart beats with a mix of nervousness and anticipation. It’s a bold move, showing up unannounced, but I can’t ignore the worry that gnaws at me. And there’s something more—a growing feeling that goes beyond friendship, something I can no longer ignore. Inside, I know what this means for me, and hopefully for us.
I ring the doorbell and then I wait.
Lily opens the door, surprise evident in her eyes as she takes in my unexpected presence.
“Blake? What are you doing here?” she asks, her voice a mix of confusion and curiosity.
She looks a little pale, but her face lights up when she sees me.
I offer her a warm smile.
“I brought some soup for you guys. Thought it might help you feel better,” I say, extending the container and card toward her. “It’s my mom’s recipe like she made for us when we were kids.”
A flicker of gratitude crosses her face as she accepts the offerings. “Thank you, Blake. That’s kind of you,” she says, her voice laced with appreciation.
As I step inside, I notice the weariness in her eyes, the fatigue that weighs her down. Her tiredness worries me, and it’s in moments like these that I realize how much she means to me.
We settle on the couch, and as we engage in light conversation, I can’t shake the growing desire to be closer to her, to know her on a deeper level. But I push those thoughts aside, focusing on the reason I’m here—to offer support and care. I shouldn’t overwhelm her with my feelings when she’s feeling ill.
“How’s Emma? Is she okay?” I ask.
“Oh, uh…”
At the mention of her daughter, a shift in Lily’s demeanor catches my attention. The room fills with unspoken tension, and I sense her hesitation. My heart skips a beat, already assuming the worst! I hope Emma’s okay.
“I have something to show you. Just wait here,” she says. She stands and walks off, leaving me alone and confused about what is happening. She’s acting very strange.
Lily returns and sits back down beside me. Taking a deep breath, she meets my gaze, her eyes filled with a mixture of fear and hope. She hands me a small object, and as I realize what it is, my breath catches in my throat—a positive pregnancy test.
Time stands still as I process the weight of this revelation. Lily’s vulnerability is palpable, and at this moment, I know that our lives are about to change in ways we never anticipated. I’m shocked and my mind races with a mixture of excitement and apprehension, unsure of what the future holds for us.
Nervous anticipation courses through my veins. I take a deep breath, my heart pounding in my chest. It’s hard to ignore the mix of emotions swirling within me—excitement, apprehension, and a touch of disbelief.
We’ve only been intimate that one night. We spent the evening together and made love several times. It was amazing and I think about it often. I hold it close to my heart. It was so different from how I’ve felt with the other women I’ve been with since Sarah’s passing. All I’d been able to give them was sex, nothing more. Lily is different. She understands about Sarah. She isn’t trying to replace my wife. She’s not forcing her way into my life. I feel like with her, things are different. She’s special.
The news is terrifying, faced with the possibility of becoming a father again, a wave of uncertainty washes over me. Sarah’s passing is still fresh in my mind, and the wounds of her loss are far from healed. I never expected to have children with anyone other than her, and the thought of starting a new chapter with Lily stirs a mixture of emotions within me.
Yet, amidst the nervousness and trepidation, there’s a flicker of hope and joy. The positive pregnancy test in my hand is a sign, one that shows maybe our paths were meant to intertwine, that there’s a greater plan at work. It’s a blessing, a gift that affirms our connection and will bring us to build a family together.
I can’t help but think of Emma and Ethan, and the happiness that having a sibling would bring to their lives. It would make us a real family—a unit bound by love and shared experiences. The thought fills me with an overwhelming sense of gratitude and a few stray tears escape, reflecting how deep the emotions run.
“Oh, God,” Lily says, and I watch doubt and fear creep onto her face.
