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“’Sup?” Tyler says, waving two fingers at the women across from him.
“And over here, I didn’t think it would be fair to include more psychology students, so I tried to expand my pool so we’d get some variety in experiences." I check my notes to make sure I get everyone correct and point as I go down the table. “First, Jaxx—she’s a music major and goes to concerts of every genre as often as possible. Meli—she’s a badass soccer player who hopes to play pro but is also getting a business degree. Apple—she’s a lead reporter for theCampus Community Bulletin, the school newspaper, and plans to go into political journalism. Trixleigh—she’s the entertainment chair of Gamma Lambda Kappa and plans to be a luxury party planner. And Serena—she works at the on-campus bookstore and reads every day, everything from history to fantasy.”
I leave out that I know Jaxx and Trixleigh through Bedroom Heaven because that’s not part of my role here as discussion moderator and their business is, frankly, their business to share or not.
“Chance, Evan, and I will be presenting topics and asking questions mostly, only stepping in to further the conversation if needed. But the plan is for the ten of you to do most of the talking. Questions?”
All ten of them stay silent or shake their heads, and I have a moment of abject terror that this is going to be an hour of us trying to pull words from their zipped lips. I shoot Evan and Chance a look, but they’re doing what appears to be their usual pre-podcast checklist.
Before I know it, the intro music starts.
Showtime.
“Welcome, everyone, to a very special episode ofTwo Men and a Mic,”Evan says, staring into his camera set up by his computer and introducing things. “I’m Evan White, and tonight we have a special episode we’re callingHe Said, She Said. To understand more, here’s my main man, Chance Harrington. Chance?”
“Thanks, Evan, and welcome, everyone. Recently, we added a staff member to our roster at the Gentlemen’s Club. This was an unusual one for us because... she’s female. But that’s actuallywhywe hired her, to bring a fresh perspective to our members. And I have to tell you, she’s made amazing progress, bringing insight to things from the other side of the coin. It's gone so well that we thought... let’s expand the idea. And now, here we are. May I introduce Samantha Redding?”
There’s no fake applause clip or anything like that, but it feels like someone just directed a 1000-watt spotlight right onto me.
“Uhm, hi, everyone,” I say, a little too close to the microphone. It squeals with loud feedback in response. Jerking back, I hiss, “Ooh! Sorry!”
“Gotcha, Samantha. My bad,” Evan says, taking the blame for what was surely my fault.
From a reasonable distance, I try again. “Hi. I’m Samantha. I’m a psychology student focusing on the mental wellness and physical satisfaction inside our most intimate relationships.” I reuse the language from explaining it to Grandma Beth because it seems the most approachable.
“Alright then, let’s get started,” Evan says.
He roots around in a fishbowl full of slips of paper with topics written on them and pulls one out. “Okay, the topic is... ooh, this should be interesting. Beauty standards—male versus female.”
It’s a pretty open-ended topic, so I’m curious to see how this goes.
Meli raises her hand. “Can I take this one first?” When no one objects, she cannonballs into the conversation. “Total BS. Girls are expected to be fembots—no hair, no odor, no farting or burping or bodily functions. Gotta be ‘ladylike’ and do full face and hair just to go in public. But guys walk around with beer guts out, dirty hats shoved on dirtier hair, and feet that haven’t seen a nail clipper since their mommies did it, and that’s supposed to be fine.” She leans in close to the microphone, eyeing the guys and daring them to disagree. “Again, total BS.”
Lucas is first to argue, of course. “Dude, you’re literally sitting here with no makeup on! And I know enough to know that under those sweatpants... you haven’t shaved your legs or your snatch. I’ve got sisters. I know what sweats mean.” He looks to Evan quickly. “Can I say snatch?”
Evan waves him on, likewe’re live,what’re we gonna do about it now?And what else is he gonna call it because even scientific words can get a podcast flagged, so we might as well carry on.
Trixleigh laughs, looking at Meli closely. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I wear makeup because I like it, but do you seriously think she’s barefaced right now?” She leans in, putting her contoured, blushed, and highlighted cheek next to Meli’s, which, though subtly made up, is definitely not naked.
“Which proves my point,” Meli continues. “Guys say they like a ‘natural makeup’ and then will point to a woman with fifteen products on her face, most of which just happen to be some shade of brown. Thisismy make-up look, because I usually wear it on the field, which is ridiculous but expected so that we look good in any still frames. I’ve got waterproof, sweatproof, bulletproof makeup on lock down. When was the last time you had a coach tell you put on mascara before a game, Lucas?”
He blinks, not having an answer. “Seriously?” he finally asks. When Meli nods, he frowns. “That’s messed up. I usually get reminded to triple-knot my shoes, but that’s a superstition, not for a photo op.”
I nearly have a heart attack at the moment of clarity he’s having.Growth in progress, live in action!
Tyler pipes up. “It’s not only women who have expectations, though. I mean, what aboutMagic Mike? It made millions. And girls always want some muscled-up jock, right?” He looks to Lucas for agreement, and I’m admittedly nervous about Lucas’s reaction. I hope Evan can bleep out some curse words because Lucas might let them fly at Tyler’s reminder.
Lucas has made some progress, both in class and in a couple of counseling sessions with me, but he’s still hung up on a girl he liked choosing a ‘muscled-up jock’ over him, exactly how Tyler’s suggesting. Lucas sniffs, gnashing his teeth so hard that I wonder if Evan will be able to hear that on the mics. But he doesn’t say a word and stares straight ahead, though I don’t think he’s actually seeing anything other than his own anger.
Serena tells Tyler, “I saw the same meme, man. ButShrekmade four times as much. Women like dad bods too. Hell, if he treats me right, I’d take no-bod, like a sentient brain in a jar that can make me laugh, tells me I’m pretty when I feel down, and offers intelligent conversation.” It sounds like the plot from a fantasy novel...Love At The Lab.
“So I’m being replaced by AI now?” Enzo deadpans.
I lean in to the microphone, “On this topic, I’m hearing that societal standards create a sense of pressure. That women feel a need to be ‘perfect’, and for men, the ‘protector’ mindset still holds true, where you believe that you have to be the strongest to be attractive. Not falling into those stereotypes leaves the vast majority of us feeling outside the beauty standard.”
When everyone agrees or at least seems to not want to speak on that topic any more, Evan pulls another slip of paper from the fish bowl.
We do it over and over, the topics sometimes getting a cursory answer from both groups, but more often, the conversation getting heated and personal.
