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Freya
Iwas probably being an idiot right now, agreeing to this when I had no idea what it entailed. Even Barnes didn’t think I could handle whatever was in the potion, and if anyone would know, it was him. Why would I push for this? Why would I insist?
Stubborn, a voice that sounded distinctly like my mother murmured in my head. Though there was a touch of pride to the word, which only solidified my decision.
“This isn’t a game, missy,” Barnes said derisively, narrowing those midnight blue eyes in my direction. Byron let out a low growl, a warning, as he moved to my side once again. I knew he wasn’t going to position himself in front of me, not when Barnes was talking to me directly, but it felt as though he wanted the room to know he wasn’t going to let rudeness go unchecked, which I appreciated as much as it was surprising. “Your captain can growl at me all he wants, but I’ve had to cast this potion twice before and neither recipient remained the same person.”
“What does that mean?” Rainey asked. He carefully set the book down on the bed before turning his attention back to Barnes.
“One died,” Barnes said. There was a deep-rooted bitterness he tried to mark with anger but it didn’t quite work the way he wanted it to. “The other went mad.”
“Cassandra?” Byron asked, but his tone implied he already knew.
Barnes didn’t turn to either of them to acknowledge their comments. His gaze was on me and me alone. “The odds aren’t in your favor that this works out for you,” he said.
“I thought the potion wasn’t dangerous,” I said stupidly. God, I didn’t think I had ever been this so obviously naive before, but apparently, I was wrong. Might as well ask all the stupid questions now and get it over with, especially since this was my first impression with Barnes.
“What moron told you that?” he asked.
“Moron or not, the ingredients in the potion —“
“You idiot,” Barnes drawled, turning to look at Rainey. “Of course they’re tepid on their own, but the combination of them together could be catastrophic, depending on how an individual takes it.”
“She won’t be taking anything that could kill her,” Byron informedBarnes in a cool tone.
“Wait —“
“There are other tests,” Rainey pointed out. “I just wanted to talk to Barnes and see if he could make it just in case.”
“My answer is still no,” Barnes said. “Not unless she comes to me herself and asks me to do it.”
“What?” Byron asked. “You would do that just because she asked? What if she wants the potion specifically to kill herself?”
“I doubt that very much.” He gave me a long look, like I was some kind of test subject under his microscope. “You need to understand the consequences to these choices before I agree to risk you by creating this.”
“Besides death and madness, what are the consequences?” I asked.
“The truth,” Barnes said as though it was obvious. “Those who seek this potion do so because they want answers. But they already have the answer in mind they want. What if it turns out you didn’t have magic? You would have risked everything for something completely meaningless.”
“It wouldn’t be meaningless,” I said. “Not if it rules me out as a suspect.”
Barnes pursed his lips. “Let me guess,” he said. “Someone planted ShadowSide into your brain and now you’re concerned you inadvertently murdered Lucy without knowing? Let me ask: did you ever harbor any antagonistic thoughts towards her?”
I shook my head. “Of course not,” I said. “She was my first friend here. My only friend. She was…nice to me. And made me feel like I could like it here.”
“The ShadowSide is something we may not be consciously aware of but unconsciously, we are,” Barnes said.
“How would that explanation absolve her from any potential crime?” Rainey asked.
“May I speak frankly?” Barnes asked me.
I nodded, biting my bottom lip.
“Take it this way: let’s say you’re in a position of power,” he said. “A professor. You are bound to your duties to protect your student. But, let’s say, you find yourself drawn to a student. Consciously, you might excuse the allure –oh, she’s intellectually stimulatingorshe’s pretty but I’m not attracted to her. But your ShadowSide knows deep down those are lies. It’s the darkness on the other side of the coin. But you must be in possession of the coin in the first place. If you liked Lucy, if you considered her a friend and never thought you'd harm her, then there’s no need to concern yourself that your ShadowSide would kill her. There has to be a seed of negativity before it can blossom.”
“Does everyone have a ShadowSide?” I asked in a low voice. Out of all the questions I could have asked, even I was surprised by that.
Barnes raised his brow but quickly masked his own shock. “Yes,” he said. “Everyone has a ShadowSide, though not everyone has the magic that goes with it.”
