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“You worry too much about something you don’t have to worry about,” he continued. His hands were still on my shoulders, and I wasn’t sure if he realized it or not but, for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to move or to insist he stop touching me because him touching me actually didn’t feel as bad as I thought it would. And I didn’t know what to do about that.
“How can I not worry about it?” I asked, keeping my eyes on him.
He sighed, glancing away. Like I was some child he had to humor or babysit or something he clearly didn’t want to do.
“You know, Rocky should be here —“
“I already told you —“
“Then maybe you could act like you'resomewhatreceptive to this,” I said. “I’m not saying you have to force yourself to pretend to want to do this because that would be weird too, but you’re treating me like I’m this task you’re obligated to complete, and that’s annoying too.”
“Are you calling me annoying?” he asked, raising a sardonic brow.
“You should be so lucky I’monlycalling you annoying,” I shot back.
The corner of his lips quirked up into what might have been a small smile before it disappeared. But that look of softness didn’t.
“No one can prepare for their first time,” he said. “You just kind of go with it. And while I do feel a sense of responsibility, and even though I would never want you to have to be in this position, I know my role. I know how important this is.” His hands were still on my shoulders. “You won’t mess this up.”
“What if…” I cleared my throat, unable to look at him right now. My cheeks pinched, and I knew I was blushing. “What about you?”
Kazu cocked his head to the side. “What do you mean?”
“Um…” I blew out a breath. “Will you…I just want to make sure…” I shoved my hands in my pockets, trying to ignore the prickling in the back of my neck. “I’m not saying you’re going to enjoy yourself but, I just, I don’t want you to think you’re doing a chore either because I know I wouldn’t enjoy that, and I wouldn’t want you to not enjoy it, but I know if I say it like that, it’s going to come out weird and perverse and that’s honestly not what I’m trying to insinuate —“
“Don’t worry about me.” He gave my shoulders a small squeeze, and somehow, my entire body was filled with warmth. “This whole thing is about you. It needs to be…right. You’re sacrificing a lot for the mission and the pack, and it’s only right that this be right too.”
My stomach circled with something like butterflies, but that wasn’t quite the right word I was looking for either.
“I’ll be back tonight,” he said.
It could have been my imagination, but I could swear he squeezed my shoulders once more before disappearing out of my room. I didn’t even hear him leave over the sound of my racing heartbeat.
Kazu
Kazu pressed his back against the wall just outside Embyrlyn’s door. One hand went to his chest, as though that might steady his erratic heartbeat, while the other pushed flat against the surface.
What the fuck was he doing?
What the fuck was hethinking?
Fuck, this was so out of character for him. Had he seriously offered to do this with her? His fingers carded through his hair, leaving his locks in a state of disarray even more so than they usually were. He glanced up at the ceiling, knowing he had to move now before some of the students started to return to their dorms and get ready for tonight.
Tonight.
His heartbeat sped up even more. Which made no sense, considering he shouldn’t have anything to be nervousabout.
This was Embyrlyn.
This was Embyrlyn.
Fuck.
He had no idea what he was doing, which was hilarious considering he knew exactly what to do if this was meaningless.
But it wasn’t.
How could it be?
