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“You were a kid, too,” I said. “It wasn’t your responsibility to make up for your shitty father.”
“If I didn’t step up, then who would?”
“I’m so sorry.” I didn’t know what to say.
“I hated him. I hated him so much. I was angry at what he did to my mom. I wanted to hurt him. The stupid, arrogant bastard ruined my family.” Leo’s gaze burned with an intensity I’d never seen before. “I decided love wasn’t really worth it. I used to treat women like shit. I decided to fuck around as much as I could.”
I nodded and he continued speaking.
“Then I joined the guard. I stopped caring. I stopped feeling. I stopped trying. I was just going through the motions. But then you came along. You were sweet and innocent, and you made me feel. You made me want something I couldn’t have. I’m terrified of another man touching you. I’m afraid to fall in love with you, because I know what I’ll do to anyone who hurts you. I’d rip them to shreds without a second thought. And I don’t want to be that person.”
“You’re not a monster, Leo,” I said, but I shivered at the way his voice was so cold. “You’re not like me.” Was that his true fear? Giving into his demons and letting loose the rage in his soul? I’d never seen him like this before.
“That’s what he calls you, right? Little Monster. Well, here’s the truth, Christine. The people that let their rage out are actually safer. They’re predictable. It’s the people like me—the ones that lock it up tight and never let it out—that you should fear more. Because eventually, we break. Eventually, we ruin everything we love. Eventually, we leave.”
“You’re not going to leave me, Leo. And I’m not leaving you,” I said softly.
He groaned and grabbed his head. “You don’t get it. I’m already gone. Every time I look at you, I’m lost. I’m lost in you.” He looked up at me, his eyes filled with raw hunger. “I’m scared of you. I’m scared of what you do to me.”
“You don’t need to be scared. I’m not going anywhere.” I reached out and grabbed his hand, but he was too far away. I walked to him. I needed to be closer. I needed him to feel me.
I leaned over and grabbed his hand. I placed it on my chest, right over my heart.
Leo’s breath blew out of his lips, and I saw the struggle in his eyes.
“Do you feel that?” I asked.
His eyes searched mine. “Yes,” he whispered.
“My heart, Leo. That’s yours. I’m not taking it back.”
“Christine.” He sounded defeated. “I’m afraid of this. I’m afraid of loving you. What if one day you choose them?”
“Your heart is safe with me, Leo,” I whispered. “I’ll never hurt you.”
Leo shuddered and grabbed me, pulling me into his lap. He didn’t say anything, but his silence spoke volumes. He was letting me in. He was letting me in, and I could feel the difference in him already.
Yes, he was still terrified, but he was letting me fight his demons.
“Let me love you, Leo,” I whispered. “Let me fight for you. Let me be yours.”
He shook his head, but I kissed him. He didn’t protest. I unraveled him and showed him what love felt like. I showed him what being cared for felt like.
I could feel it.
My heart was his.
My soul was his.
I was his.
And he was mine.
I loved him.
And I’d never let him go.
I loved him.
