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Instead he pursed his lips, seeming to consider what she’d just said. She held her breath, but after a moment, he sat back, settling in beside her, so close their upper arms almost touched.
She’d just confessed something hateful, and he had every right to walk away from her. He’d stayed.
“You know you’re not an asshole, right?” Daniel said after a moment.
“Oh no, I am. I am a massive asshole.”
“Do you respect other subs, even if you think they’re weak?”
“It’s splitting hairs,” she said.
“No. It’s not. Do you respect their right to be sexual submissives?”
“Of course. Everyone has a right to their own shit, as long as they’re not hurting anyone.” She paused. “Or hurting them in a consensual way.”
“While you respect their choices, you think their choices are wrong.”
“Not wrong but…” She’d come this far, she might as well confess all the rest of her sins. “But every time I see Pet I want to shake her. Tell her to get up. To stop being that way.”
Pet was Master Carter’s bonded submissive. And he treated her like a pet—she crawled instead of walked. Wore a leash. And outside of Las Palmas their relationship was the same—a 24/7 Master-slave relationship.
“But you don’t,” Daniel said mildly.
“Of course not.”
“You respect her choice,” he repeated.
“Okay, yes. I see where you’re going with this. I think she is making a stupid choice, but it’s her right to make that choice.”
“And it’s a stupid choice because…?”
“Because I bet that Master Carter doesn’t think of her the same way he thinks of say…Gabriela.” Gabriela was Master Leo’s bonded submissive, and the unofficial head submissive in the club.
“So you think Master Carter probably respects Gabriela, but doesn’t respect Pet, his own submissive. And both of them are weak.”
“I told you I was an asshole.”
“I hate to state the obvious…but I don’t think we’re talking about Pet right now.”
Autumn leaned her head back against the wall. “Yeah, okay. It might not be fully logical. It’s just…I hate that I want to submit. That I need to.”
“But you do need it?”
“Yes. Trust me, I wish I didn’t. I…tried other things.” She swallowed hard, trying not to remember. “Didn’t work. Las Palmas works for me.”
He hummed in quiet acknowledgement, but didn’t say anything, so she kept going.
“I had to separate the two parts of my life. Completely separate them. Submission,” she said, holding up one hand, “and relationships.” She held up the other hand.
“You said you need to submit. How do you handle that with relationships?” He pointed to the hand she’d raised.
“When I am seeing someone, the vanilla sex is always good. I mean I like it, I just need…more.”
“Having needs is not weak,” he said softly.
She ignored that. “The vanilla sex is probably because I can come here on the weekends and scene. Part of the separation is separating relationship sex from submission sex. And most of the time my scenes don’t involve penetrative sex with my top.”
“Makes sense,” he agreed mildly. “BDSM doesn’t have to include sex acts at all.”
