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CHAPTERONE
The eventsof the last three months felt more like a dream than my reality. No one could have anticipated a plague that would claim millions and force the survivors to the coasts where we sheltered behind the protective mountain ranges. Or even dream of the unstoppable hellhounds created by an ancient curse.
While the plague and the hounds had ripped apart loved ones, those who survived almost destroyed what remained of the world with the bombs. In many ways, I’d given up.
However, since meeting Molev six weeks ago, so much had changed. He was saving lives, including my nephew’s and the men and women who’d joined us on the recent supply run to Loveland. And that was the biggest change yet. Molev had given us all a reason to hope…and I still wasn’t sure how I felt about it.
Truthfully, I preferred not to feel at all. It was safer that way. But Molev didn’t care for that approach.
He wanted me to feel everything, especially when it came to him, which was why I couldn’t focus worth a shit on the task at hand.
My gaze slid to Molev again, taking in his slow prowl as he moved among the soldiers who’d joined our training session that morning.
“Andie, get your head straight,” Roni said, giving me a hard shove to vent her frustration. It was better than another bite, but it still irritated me.
“Make up your mind,” I snapped. “Am I supposed to care or not?”
“Care on your own time, not mine.”
I stepped back from her, holding my hands up in surrender.
“You know what? You’re right. I’m done. Pair up with someone who can focus.”
I turned away from her and almost walked right into Molev’s crossed arms.
“Where are you going?” he asked, studying me.
“I need a break to regroup.”
“She’s not focused,” Roni said. “She’s thinking of you instead of my teeth. Fix her, or I will, by breaking some skin.”
Molev started to frown.
“No, you don’t get to be mad at Roni for pointing out a very real problem,” I said. “It’s your damn fault I can’t focus. I told you this morning that I needed some time to think, and you said no. Thinking wasn’t good for me. Well, dying isn’t good for me, either. So stand aside and let me sit in the dirt for fifteen minutes so I can wrap my head around some shit.”
His eyes narrowed.
“If you growl at me again, I’m going to—”
He had the back of my head in his hand and his forehead pressed to mine before I could finish my empty threat.
“Talk to me,” he said softly.
It was the same thing he’d said this morning when I tried to stay home.
“How can I talk to you when I don’t know what’s wrong? I need some time to process. To sort through my thoughts so that Icantalk to you. I’m not trying to retreat; this is just how I work. You said you liked the way I think, so let me think.”
His fingers moved in my hair, massaging my scalp lightly.
“Sit in the dirt where I can see you, Andie.” He released me and strode away, scolding someone for not getting their arms up in time.
I scowled in Roni’s direction but saw she was already working with another soldier. Finally free, I left the field and sat on the side. It took me ten minutes of just sitting there, watching everyone, to realize how adrift I felt.
My gaze tracked Molev, that stubbornly insistent man who was worming his way into my heart, while I thought about how hard he’d pushed himself on the supply run. He’d kept us safe. Alive. But at what cost? He moved fluidly now, his two-day-old injuries indiscernible if not for the visible stitches on the scarred, grey column of his neck.
The reality that Molev wasn’t enough to stop what was happening was the cause of my internal emotional influx.
I hadn’t ever thought that he alone was responsible for saving us. But I had thought we could find the answer to saving ourselves through him. However, Waurlyn’s revelation regarding the trials the day before had shattered that fantasy. Knowing that the trials weren’t working and that he was risking himself on so many levels to save us left me feeling helpless because I didn’t know what to do next.
