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“Why are you telling me this now?Do you think something is going to happen today?”
He set his forehead to mine.
“This has nothing to do with today.By denying yourself the possibility of a future, you are telling yourself you have no reason to live, and that’s a lie.”
“If you think I’m ready to die, Molev, I’m not.”
“Aren’t you?You told me that you never expected to live to see this mission through.That, by signing up, you acknowledged your own death.You did so willingly to save Zion, who is safe.What reasons do you have to keep fighting?”
“We still need a cure and to stop the hounds.”
“The doctors and scientists will work on the cure, and my brothers and I will kill the hounds.What’s your purpose now, Andie?”
I extracted myself from his hold.
“Right now, my purpose is to head out to the field and observe the infected with a man who is only sometimes smart.Stay focused, Molev.”
His mossy green gaze swept over me.“I am very focused, Andie.”
“No.You’re distracted because of a kiss.Since you have seven immediate people counting on you, along with the rest of humanity, you don’t have the luxury of enjoying some diversions, and neither do I.Focus on today and coming back alive so none of us end up infected.”
Turning on my heel, I strode to the bathroom where I’d left my clothes the night before.
When I emerged, Roni was leaning against the wall.Her crossed arms and angry expression said everything, but she threw some words in there, too, for good measure while I put on my riot gear.
“You’re not a baby; you’re an idiot.When someone you care about worries about you, you don’t throw it in their face.You say thank you and try to ease their worries.”
I sighed.
“I apologize for being loud.”
She shook her head at me.
“Fix this before we leave, or you stay behind.As things stand, you’re a distraction and a risk.”
My temper briefly flared, and she saw it.
“I think that’s the first human reaction I’ve seen out of you,” she said.“About time.”
“Of course I’m upset.You’re only seeing the situation through one lens.I don’t think Molev is truly worried I’m going to die.I think he wants me to see him as my sole reason for living now.”
“That’s what you got out of your conversation?You are an idiot.He’s been with us long enough to see you like we do.You’re not emotionally connected to any of us in any significant way.You’re going through the motions, but none of it is touching you.We can all see it.That detachment was exactly what was needed in the field, but not here where we’re safe.”
I shook my head slowly.
“That’s exactly the problem, Roni.We’re not safe yet.Not even here.This is just an illusion waiting to break.Our people are so focused on a cure that they’re not seeing what we both know.A cure isn’t the final solution.We won’t be truly safe until every hound and infected is dead.
“If you see me as insensitive instead of focused, that’s fine.Just make sure you’re focused on what’s going on out there as soon as we leave.If we don’t have each other’s backs, there won’t be a future to worry about.”
I started out of the room but paused when she straightened away from the wall.
“For the record, I’m not the only detached person in the group.We all have our ways of coping with what’s happening.And detachment is exactly what’s helping some of us survive.”
She followed me out of the room where everyone else was waiting.Molev was absent.
“Anyone else have anything to add?”I asked, knowing they’d been listening.
“Nope,” Brandon said.“I think you summed everything up well.Head in the game.Don’t die.”
