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“I don’t think anyone does. But you have a hell of a lot of support from what I’ve heard.”
I cradled my face in my hands. “Yeah,” I muttered, my words muffled against my palms. “That’s what they’re saying, isn’t it?” My eyes found Nell’s. I’d already told her my story. I might as well tell her about my current inner turmoil, too. “I don’t know how to deal with all this.”
“That’s not surprising.” She leaned back in her chair. “I don’t think anyone would.”
“I just…” I sighed, willing the building pressure within me to dissipate, if only slightly. “People believe in me. People who have never even met me are swearing their lives to me.” I blinked hard, still trying to grasp the meaning of the words. “They don’t know me. And I feel like…maybe I don’t know myself either. I thought I did. I felt so powerful walking down the aisle, even with all the shit Castemont was holding over me. And before that, living in Inkwell, then in the castle. I knew who I was. But now…”
She pushed my mug of ale back to me. “You need this more than I do.”
I took it from her and forced the bitter liquid down. Maybe it would help. Maybe not, but it was worth a try. I let out a deep breath, sinking a bit further into my gloom.
“I think I have a solution,” Nell said, crossing her arms over her chest, an echo of a smile on her face. “Fake it.”
I raised a brow. “Fake it? That’s your suggestion?”
“Act like you know what you’re doing. What other choice do you have?” She leaned forward, her elbows on the table and fingers laced under her chin. “Your followers are going to do whatever you say, anyway. Might as well put some conviction behind it, even if it’s not real. And you never know, maybe you’ll find yourself somewhere along the way.”
I pursed my lips, trying to find a reason that wouldn’t work. I nodded. “Okay.”
“Don’t worry,” she said with a smile. “I won’t tell anyone the truth.”
I returned the smile, something different than flames glowing inside my chest. It was a feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time. This stranger was becoming my friend.
The door swung open and Miles’ figure loped in. Nell pushed her chair back and shuffled to her feet, standing at attention. “We have some things to discuss, Petra.” His eyes looked to Nell. “Why are you at attention?”
I gave him a look of disdain. “She’s a soldier, asshole.”
“No she’s not.” Nell relaxed slightly, but kept her face stern. “I’m Lieutenant Miles Landgrave. I’m not sure where you fit into all of this, Augen, but keep your shit together and keepherprotected. Got it?” His finger was pointed straight at me.
“Yes, Sir,” she said evenly.
“Don’t talk to her like that,” I snapped at him, both of their faces swinging to me.
“Excuse me?” Miles snarled.
“Nobody here has toprotectme. I didn’t ask for this and she didn’t either. None of these soldiers did. Sodon’tfucking talk to her like that.”
I’d have paid money to see the look on the face beneath the mask. His movements told me enough, the way he took a step back, his chest caving ever so slightly. Nell’s eyes were wide and her lips were thin. I couldn’t tell if she was simply being a good soldier or if she was holding back a laugh. “Sorry about him,” I offered. She stayed silent, her face not betraying her truth. “Thank you for listening to me.” My mouth turned up in a small smile. I had no idea how I could express my appreciation for the small reprieve of simply having a conversation.
Shoulders back, I faced Miles. I was going to act like I knew what I was doing. “Alright. Let’s talk.”
He stepped aside, gesturing toward the door, and I stormed out, the rush of adrenaline from yelling at him pulsing through me alongside my newfound pretend resolve. The low hum of a burning Taitha still hung in the air as the flames ate away at the city.
Miles led me to a newly erected tent. A massive table stood in the middle, a map sprawled across its rough, gouged surface.
I realized I’d never seen a map before.
An entire world unknown to me lay on that table, my eyes scanning over land masses and oceans, mountains and valleys, only a few which I’d heard of.
I lifted my gaze, and the grave, unmasked eyes of a dozen soldiers met mine. I felt like I’d been stripped naked. Their stares cut through to my bones, a thousand unspoken words on every face.Act like you know what you’re doing.
“We need to prepare,” Miles said from behind me, his gravelly voice low.
“For?”
The words slipped from under his mask, a hot iron to my chest. “War.”
Chapter 7
