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“Is she the reason why you never got married?” Livvie asks me.
I rock back on my heels and sit on the cold linoleum floor next to her, leaning against the cupboards. “That’s a pretty loaded question.”
“I’ve always wondered,” she says. “All your friends are getting married. You don’t even date.”
“Why would I date when I have everything I want right here with you?” I ask, reaching out and pinching her toe.
She flashes a smile, but it quickly disappears. “I’m serious, Dad. Carrie’s the first girl you’ve ever brought to the house. That makes her special, right?”
“I can’t believe we’re having this conversation,” I mumble and scrub a hand down my face.
“Well, I’m your daughter. Who else are you going to have this conversation with?”
“Nobody,” I say, hoping she will take the hint. “Which is the way it’s supposed to be.”
She starts sniffing again, and soon she’s crying. I pull her onto my lap and envelope her in a hug, wishing I could make her feel better. I kiss the top of her head and say, “I’m sorry you’re sick.”
Livvie buries her face into my chest and shakes her head. “I want a family. I want a mom and a dad. To go camping and build campfires and eat smores and tell ghost stories like Brooklynn does with her family. I don’t want a mom that makes promises she never keeps or a dad who has to do everything for me and doesn’t have a life because he’s always watching out for me.”
I press my lips to the top of her head again and squeeze a little tighter. “Maybe one day I’ll find someone to share my life with.”
“I hope so,” she mutters. “I’m not getting any younger, you know.”
Snickering, I nudge her off my lap and stand, shaking the pins and needles out of my legs. Then I grab the loaf pan and put my arm around her shoulders. “For now, let’s get you tucked in. If you get a good night’s sleep tonight and you feel better in the morning, I’ll take you camping tomorrow.”
Her brows shoot up. “Really?”
“Yep. Tomorrow’s a holiday so that means no school and no work. I know a place an hour from here we can go.”
Livvie wraps her arms around my waist and hugs me. “Thank you, Dad!”
“You’re welcome.”
Chapter 17
Putting It Out There
Carrie
Eventhoughmyfaceis in my hands, I’m listening to every syllable of the conversation Ryan and Livvie are having in the hallway. The moment he disappears to her room, I’m bolting. Screw the car. I wanted a new one anyway. Heaven knows Dad’s will has enough to more than cover a new car. Plus I have his Mercedes parked at home. I just need Ryan to leave so I can disappear.
My ears perk up. It’s been quiet for far too long. Did I get distracted and not hear them leave?
Dropping my hands, I look up and lock eyes with him. Darn it!
He’s moved to stand only a few feet from me, his arms folded and the pointer finger of one hand pressed against his lips as if he’s thinking.
My chest tremors in anticipation and fear. Is he going to send me away? Let me stay? The thought of either option sends my mind into panic mode. I don’t know which is worse.
I know I should leave. Walk away and extract myself from this situation. When I’ve taken care of the mess Dad’s death left, and had lots of therapy, I can come back and see if Ryan wants to try to make things work. But I stare into those blue eyes of his, and it’s like I’m staring over the ocean on a cruise ship, lost in the expanse of water as it goes on and on for eternity. It’s startling and breathtaking.
He takes a step closer and I straighten, my body acutely aware of how close he is. Almost close enough to touch.
“Can I sit down?” he asks, gesturing to the spot next to me on the couch.
I nod. If I speak, it’ll probably come out a croak.
When Ryan sits next to me, he wraps his arm over the back of the sofa and sits so that he’s facing me, one knee up on the cushion. His muscled knee presses against my thigh, the heat of it, burning an imprint into my skin…and probably my soul.
