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My gaze drops to his leg, then travels up his body, until I reach his patient, expectant face. I note his tanned skin, full lips, strong jaw, expressive eyes, and the way his hair falls over his forehead making him look almost boyish. How does this man have any romantic feelings for me? He’s about twelve levels above my pay grade.
Ryan’s eyes drop to my mouth, causing me to bite on my lower lip.
Blinking, he lifts his head, and our gazes connect.
“You don’t have to go camping with us,” he finally says.
I rear back, blinking. I’d been so lost in him, and whether he’d kiss me that I totally forgot about the camping. I want to give myself a facepalm, but I keep my hands planted firmly in my lap.
“I know,” I say. “If you don’t want me to go, I understand.” I steel myself for the rejection.
He leans toward me. ‘That’s not it. I just…” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t want you to feel obligated. I don’t want you to feel like, I don’t know.” His gaze darts to mine and then away. “I don’t want to pressure you into anything you don’t want to do.”
“You think you’re pressuring me?” I say, arching an eyebrow. I thought I was the one pressuring him.
Ryan’s eyes dart to me again and he tilts his head, confused. “You don’t feel pressured? What about the funeral? Your dad? Livvie?”
I incline my head and frown slightly at Livvie’s name. “Okay, Livvie scares me a little.”
Ryan smirks. “She scares a lot of people. She speaks her mind, doesn’t pull any punches, and she can get feisty.”
“I figured as much out this evening with her game.”
“That’s what she’s like when she’s sick. Imagine Livvie healthy.” He chuckles. “But she likes you.” His eyes drift to mine and he sobers. “I like you. I know you’ve got a lot going on right now. I’m okay with that. I’ve held a torch for you for ten years.” He lifts a shoulder and his face reddens like we’re in high school all over again. “What’s a little longer?”
Worry burrows through my chest, poking holes into my resolve. What if I’m too broken? What if everything I’ve been through with Freddie, my dad, and my mother-in-law makes me unable to have a normal relationship? What if I’m never ready? I don’t want him waiting around for me. “Ryan, I…”
He holds up a hand. “I don’t wanna talk about it tonight. You’ve had a few bombshells dropped on your this weekend, and I’m serious about the ‘no pressure’ thing. If you truly want to go camping with us tomorrow, I’d love for you to come. I think I’ve got an extra sleeping bag somewhere I’ll dig up.”
“If you’re okay with it, I want to come.” I swallow down my fear, but my heart rate skyrockets in protest. The idea of stepping forward and asking to go camping is putting myself out there, begging for a disastrous weekend. I’m terrified that we’ll walk away more heartbroken than we were after my stupid actions in high school.
Don’t mess this up, Carrie.
If you do, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.
Chapter 18
Missed Opportunities
Flashback: Ryan
“It’stwoweeksuntilHomecoming. Have you asked anyone yet?” Cimmeron asks me.
One of the cheerleaders passes us going in the other direction. “Hey guys,” she says, in a flirtatious voice.
Cim bites his lips and swivels his head to watch her backside sway as she saunters away. He practically walks into me in the process.
“Nobody’s caught my eye,” I grumble, picking up the pace. The sooner we get to the practice field, the sooner I don’t have to be grilled by the guys.
“You’ve gotta have a date,” Cim says. “You’re the quarterback this year. You’re practically guaranteed to be royalty.”
“I know.”
Another girl passes us and smiles, blushing before she turns away.
“What are you waiting for?” Cim says. “You have your pick of the girls in this school. Any one of them would fall over themselves to go to Homecoming. Heck. Patrice would probably dump me if you asked her to go.”
I roll my eyes and grin. “Not likely.” Okay probably. I’m not gonna tell him that. He goes through girlfriends like some people go through underwear.
