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“Mom, how many times do I need to tell you Vlad the Impaler is not Count Dracula? It is a myth,” I said. Well, half a myth.
“Is he good in bed?” Mom asked.
“Who? Vlad the Impaler?”
“No, silly. Gabriel. Is Gabriel good in bed?”
“Mom!”
“What? A mother needs to know. Most problems can be solved with a good tumble under the sheets, you know,” Mom said.
“I do not wish to discuss such topics with my mother,” I said.
“And with whom are you gonna discuss this if not with your mother? With your friends? The ones who do not know the difference between a vagina and a vulva? Please,” Mom said as she dragged the last word.
“Can you not say that word?”
“Which one? Vagina?” She rose to make the tea.
“No, the other one.”
“Oh, you mean vulva,” she yelled from the kitchen, just as Dad and Gabriel returned from the garage.
Suddenly, my biggest wish was to be swallowed whole by the couch and never to emerge again. Thankfully, Gabriel was too focused on what Dad was saying and didn’t pay much attention to Mom’s shenanigans.
“The tea is ready, boys,” Mom said.
“Sharon, you know I cannot drink this leafy soup. It gives me indigestion,” Dad complained.
“That’s because of all the garbage you eat. This tea strengthens your aura and has a healing effect on the gut. With the way you eat, your aura probably quit and skipped town.”
“I’m telling you, it’s not the food. It’s what’s in the tea,” Dad said.
“Look at Gabriel. Look how much he enjoys his cup of tea. You should take an example from your son-in-law. Oh. I hope it’s okay to call you that?” Mom asked apologetically as she sat next to Dad on the opposite sofa from us.
Gabriel placed the teacup on the coffee table and said, “Not a problem at all. It is the reason why we are here.” He looked at me and grasped my hand. “We want to invite you to my island for our wedding ceremony next week.”
Chapter 14
The absolute chaos his words created took over the entire living room. Mom dropped her cup onto the carpet and splashed Dad. I began choking on mine while Gabriel tried to help me recover. Dad jumped to his feet, fearing the hot liquid would scald him. What bad timing to drop a bomb like that. After everyone was assured that I had recovered my ability to breathe, Mom asked, “You have an island?”
“You have the wedding ceremony planned for next week?” Dad asked. “We cannot do that yet. We must talk with Sharon about the financial part.”
“Oh, please do not fret over the money aspect. I have it all covered,” Gabriel said.
“Well, if you own an island, then a wedding shouldn’t be a problem,” Mom said. “But why the rush?”
Gabriel looked at me and said, “Mil––I mean, Petra has made my life an absolute bliss. Of few things I am sure in this life, and Petra is one of them. I simply do not see the need for a delay. I already view her as my wife. I only wish to announce it to the world that I have found my soul mate and plan to be with her for an eternity.”
“Such beautiful metaphors,” Dad said.
I couldn’t tell him that Gabriel wasn’t exaggerating.
“The wedding ceremony will take place during the weekend. We plan to travel there several days prior and then stay for our honeymoon for the next ten days. This way, you can plan according to your schedule.”
I realized he had arranged this many years before, but I wished he would’ve told me before talking to my parents so I didn’t look like a featherless owl every time he spoke.
“Oh, Petra. What a fine man you’ve found for yourself. He has everything organized so well,” Mom said.
