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“Mainstreamed,” he spelled slowly, and Bodhi’s lips twitched like he understood that word too well. “When I was young, I didn’t know who to blame. And even today, remembering what it was like to sit in total silence surrounded by people who said they loved me—who said they were doing it because they loved me—still hurts. I have this shop, but I can’t change the past.”
Bodhi ducked his head and wrapped his arms tightly around his middle.
Caleb waited, but when he didn’t uncurl, he gently tapped Bodhi and waited for him to look up. “You don’t have to tell me what happened with you and your grandparents, but I know I triggered something from your past, and I’m so sorry. You don’t have to forgive me, but please know I will never do it again.”
Bodhi stared at him a long moment, then he finally unwrapped his arms and extended a closed fist toward Caleb. It took him a second to realize what he was doing, then he burst into laughter as he knocked their knuckles together.
“Kids these days,” he shot back when he pulled his hand away.
Bodhi grinned, the smile on him so bright and so sweet, it made Caleb’s chest twinge. “I’m over twenty-one.” The grin dimmed until it was gone, then he shifted to better face Caleb. “Do you want to go inside?”
Caleb had all-but forgotten why he was there. He was far too tempted to say no. To beg Bodhi to give him another task, but he couldn’t keep putting it off. “You’re okay coming with me?”
“If you want me there,” Bodhi told him.
Caleb clenched his jaw, then nodded. “Thank you,” he added just before reaching for the door handle, and he turned away so he didn’t have to see pity on the other man’s face.
As he led the way upstairs, he felt a rhythmic vibration under his hand and glanced behind him to see Bodhi tapping his fingers on the railing. He smiled to himself, feeling oddly and profoundly grateful suddenly that someone was with him.
No, not just someone. That it wasBodhi.
It was a bizarre sensation in his chest because his feelings for the guy were so…complicated. But maybe that was just what he needed in that moment.
He gestured toward his door when they reached the landing—not that it was necessary. They were the only condo on that side of the building, but he was trying to remember all the motions he was supposed to go through as a host. He and Cameron never had people over. Caleb hadn’t really paid much attention to it, but now that he had some distance, he understood why.
Cameron didn’t want any of Caleb’s friends around who might be able to see the kind of person he really was. And Caleb had been so damn busy with work that he hadn’t realized what was going on right under his nose.
He took a fortifying breath, but before he could reach for his keys, and hand fell on his shoulder. He turned his head just enough to see Bodhi out of his periphery.
“Do you need more time? We could go get ice cream.”
Caleb bowed his head, snorting a soft laugh through his nose before he turned to face Bodhi better. “Thanks, but no. I need to do this. But if it’s too heavy for you after everything tonight, I understand.”
Bodhi bit his lip, then circled his fist over his chest. “Sorry. I didn’t get all of that.”
Caleb ignored the little flashes of annoyance fizzing under his skin as he repeated himself slower and with more formal signs.
“Sorry,” Bodhi signed again.
Caleb deflated, his anger disappearing as quickly as it had come. “It’s not your fault. I’m not upset with you. This is just harder than I thought it was going to be.”
Bodhi’s fingers danced in the air just below Caleb’s line of sight, then they lifted. “Can I hug you?”
Caleb’s brows flew up. Bodhi had never been a very touchy-feely guy. He’d seen him shy away from the guys at the café so often, most of them had stopped trying. But Caleb sure as shit wasn’t about to turn down some offered affection.
“Yes, please.”
Bodhi’s mouth lifted into the softest grin Caleb had ever seen in his life as he crossed the distance between them and opened his arms. Caleb stepped into the embrace like he’d lost his free will to choose, and then he buried his face in the other man’s neck. Breathing in, he could smell the café—rich with coffee grounds and spices from Jori’s kitchen. And there was something else under that. Something new and fresh and uniquely Bodhi.
His arms curled around Bodhi’s waist, and he found himself squeezing so tight, his arms began to shake. There was a heaviness in his chest, and before he could stop it, a sob escaped. Caleb wrenched himself back, dragging a hand over his face as his other signed frantically, “Sorry, sorry!”
He looked up again when he felt the brush of Bodhi’s fingers over the top of his shoulders, and he could see the worry in his eyes.
“Did I hurt you?” Caleb asked.
Bodhi blinked, then grinned and shook his head. “No. I like being held really tightly.” His smile faded. “You’re crying.”
Caleb laughed, rolling his eyes toward the ceiling as he knocked his head back against the wall. He took a few more breaths, then straightened up. “I feel like an idiot. I didn’t evenlikehim by the time we broke up. I don’t know why this is so hard.”
