Page 3 of Affogato

Caleb froze and wondered if maybe he’d been having panic attacks for a long time, because in spite of the fact that he was generally a happy person who enjoyed being around his friends and his brother, he had his random angry moments.

He had more than his fair share, actually, especially lately. And God, what if that was why Cameron cheated? What if he’d driven him to…

He snapped out of his thoughts at the sight of Bodhi’s hand waving. “Are you panicking again?”

Caleb took a quick assessment, then shook his head. “No.” He paused for a long second. “Did you see everything?”

“I saw most of it,” Bodhi confessed, looking a little sheepish. “I didn’t understand everything. You both sign so fast.”

Caleb bristled at the criticism until he realized Bodhi was aiming that comment at himself. Caleb was trying his best to be patient with him. According to what Bodhi had told Wren, he and his brother were born deaf to a hearing family who had mainstreamed the twins. They’d only started learning ASL their freshman year of college, and he was now in his last semester of his senior year.

He reminded himself that Wren had gone through almost the exact same thing. Caleb’s parents had only given in and sent him to the Deaf school because unlike Wren, Caleb’s implants had failed, and he stubbornly refused to behave in his speech therapy. Eventually his mom realized if Caleb was going to have a life, she’d have to send him somewhere he could understand and be understood.

Then Wren became the golden child and Caleb had hated him for so long—until he realized how much Wren had suffered because of it.

And maybe he was taking his frustrations out on a guy who really didn’t deserve it because Bodhi was sweet. He was a lot sweeter to Caleb than he deserved most of the time. He’d showed up with his resume in his bag and Signed English on his hands and a promise that he would get better because he was tired of living the way he was living.

Caleb had protested, but Wren had fought for him, and now Caleb could see why.

At the time, Caleb just assumed his brother had a crush. It made sense, considering Bodhi was obscenely good looking and easy to get along with so long as the person didn’t have the same chip on his shoulder Caleb did.

And hell, maybe he was just…jealous. His life had obviously been a shit-show for a while now, he just had no idea until Cameron decided it set it all on fire. Publicly.

“Do you think I did this?” Caleb found himself asking.

Bodhi’s eyes widened. “Did what?”

“Drove Cameron to cheat.”

Bodhi’s mouth dropped open, but before Caleb could correct him, it snapped shut. “No. Is that what he told you?”

Caleb bit his lip, then shook his head and made sure to sign slower than he normally would so Bodhi could follow. “No. But he acted like I had no right to be angry or surprised that he did. He assumed I knew this was coming. So maybe it was my fault. Maybe I bring out the worst in everyone.”

Bodhi looked horrified, and Caleb felt a warm pulse of affection for him because he certainly hadn’t done anything to earn Bodhi blindly taking his side. “There’s nothing worse than cheating.” He spelled the last word painfully slowly and stiff almost like his fingers were hurting. “And nothing you did to him would make you deserve being treated like that. Nothing.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he signed after a beat. His hands were shaking less now, thank God. “He already moved out.” When Bodhi frowned in confusion, Caleb laughed, the feeling of it bitter against the back of his throat. “He just told me he’s already got someone moving his stuff out. He’s clearly been planning this for a while.”

“He didn’t even talk to you about it?”

“Not until tonight.” Caleb shrugged and sat back, rubbing at his eyes until he saw stars. When his vision cleared again, he gave Bodhi a tired, flat look. “Can you go get my brother?”

There was a flash of hurt in Bodhi’s eyes that he was being so easily dismissed, but Caleb didn’t have the energy to prioritize the guy’s feelings right then. He wanted to be able to sign faster and looser than classroom ASL, and not double-check every hand placement to make sure Bodhi understood.

Everything felt like it was covered in a thick layer of static electricity—kind of fuzzy and foggy, yet sharp at the same time. His skin hurt, and he wondered if Wren felt like this every time he spiraled.

“Please,” he added when Bodhi carefully stepped away. “I need to go home.”

At that, Bodhi softened immediately. “BRB,” he spelled, then he was out the door.

The moment he was alone, the walls started to press down around him, and Caleb fought for breath before he reminded himself that this was a good thing. He wasn’t in love with Cameron anymore. He loved him.

Maybe.

Probably.

Though he wasn’t sure he believed that now, if he was being honest with himself. He’d been content in his life with Cameron. He was glad to have someone to come home to—to sleep beside and share breakfast with in the morning whenever Cameron was home for it.

He was too happy to believe that everything was good and it was probably because Caleb hated change. And he hated being alone.

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