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At that, Bodhi let out a short, sharp laugh. “I don’t know. I didn’t ask him why.” The truth was, as much as Ravi understood him, loved him, accepted him, he didn’t always care. He didn’t always stop and consider that something might throw Bodhi over the edge.
Ravi was happier to deal with the aftermath than with Bodhi’s resistance to doing things that Ravi wanted to do.
“Does he know you’re here?”
“No. I don’t think he knows I’m gone. I should text him,” Bodhi said, starting to sit up, but Caleb’s hand touched his chest, lightly urging him to lie back down.
“You need rest. I’ll send Ravi a message later.”
For a moment, Bodhi thought maybe it was cruel to let Ravi worry when he realized Bodhi was gone, but maybe he also deserved it. After all, he was the one who took off into the crowd, leaving Bodhi on his own. And he was the one who hadn’t bothered checking in.
And maybe that was the reason Bodhi hadn’t texted his brother first. That was the reason he’d asked for Caleb. Because Caleb gave a shit.
“You feel safe,” he blurted, the signs tripping off his fingers without warning.
Caleb blinked, looking stunned. “I feel safe?”
Bodhi realized that the alcohol was probably making his hands looser than they normally would have been, but he couldn’t bring himself to give a shit in the moment. He’d regret it when he was sober—when the harsh morning light illuminated what a damn disaster he was.
But right there, in the comfort of Caleb’s bed with the warm heaviness of the duvet and the soft, clean smells of his linens, he couldn’t help but say it. “You make me feel safe.”
Caleb swallowed heavily. “After everything?”
“I’ve always liked you,” Bodhi told him. “Even when you hated me, I liked you.”
“I never—” Caleb stopped himself, bowing his head on a sigh that lifted his shoulders all the way to the bottom of his ears. Finally, he looked back up. “I’m sorry. It’s my turn to apologize…and I will. Until it makes you want to punch me.”
“I’llneverwant to hit you,” Bodhi told him. He felt odd, and a little sleepy and giddy. And also clear-headed. At least, when it came to his feelings, it was like someone had removed a thick, heavy veil. “I want to hold you.”
Caleb sucked in a breath through parted lips, his chest rapidly expanding and deflating. With a hesitance that made Bodhi want to take his words back, Caleb lifted one hand. It hovered in the air between them, then eventually he laid it against Bodhi’s cheek. It was warm—slightly calloused in some places, but soft in others.
His thumb moved lightly over Bodhi’s skin, grazing the corner of his mouth, making Bodhi’s skin light up in ways he’d never felt before.
‘Bodhi.’ He saw Caleb’s lips move over the consonants and vowels of his name, and he fought the urge to touch his throat to see if he was speaking aloud.
Bodhi was terrified to move, terrified to break whatever this was. He wanted it too much and Caleb was skittish at the best of times. He held his breath.
Caleb dipped his head in close, moving slow like he was reading all of Bodhi’s movements as though they were telling a story. Then Caleb’s eyes fixed on Bodhi’s lips. And he froze.
“Please don’t stop,” Bodhi begged before he could keep his hands still.
Caleb pulled back, but not far enough that Bodhi thought he lost something. “This will be your second kiss.”
Bodhi’s cheeks flushed hot again. “Yes.”
“You really want this?”
Bodhi almost laughed, but if anything would have shattered the moment, it would be that. “Yes.”
“With me?”
Bodhi couldn’t hide his grin. “Yes.Please.”
Caleb’s eyes closed like he couldn’t look while he was making the decision, and Bodhi joined him. The world lacked sound, and it lacked sight, but it was so full of so much more. Of heat, and touch, and movement. Of Caleb’s warm breath, and the movement of his body as his lungs expanded and deflated. Bodhi could smell the lingering scent of espresso grounds clinging to Caleb’s hair, and something underneath that too—the soap from his shower as though he tried to scrub his day away.
And with all of that swirled anticipation and anxiety. Being on the cusp of having the one thing Bodhi had only been brave enough to fantasize about in the darkness of his dorm terrified him. Not to have it, but to come so close, and then watch as it was ripped away.
But Caleb didn’t let that happen. Instead, Bodhi felt the distance between them shrink. Further and further, it disappeared until suddenly warm lips were on his own. He sucked in a breath, but when Caleb tensed, Bodhi’s hand shot out and his fingers curled into the front of Caleb’s shirt, holding him firmly.
