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“…maybe you’ll believe me then.”
“I believe you now,” Bodhi said automatically.
Caleb took his hands, shaking his head even as he pressed a kiss to each palm. “You don’t. You wouldn’t be on my couch shaking and crying because you were worked up all day about a mediocre man I talked to for five minutes.”
Bodhi flinched, but Caleb was telling the truth. It wasn’t just that, but seeing Caleb that way with Anthony had opened a floodgate to a ton of insecurity he was feeling. “Seth made me feel a little better.”
Caleb tilted his head to the side. “How?”
“He was a little like me. Not autistic, but he lost his hearing as a teenager. He didn’t get to learn ASL right away. Got CIs to fit in with hearing.” Bodhi shrugged one shoulder. “Then he pretended for a long time. Masked,” he clarified. “I think a lot of people forget that you don’t have to be autistic to mask.”
Caleb’s expression did something complicated that Bodhi couldn’t hope to understand, but it didn’t bother him as much because he knew Caleb would explain how he felt. He always did, and that realization hit Bodhi hard.Vee-vee. “I never thought about it like that.”
Bodhi’s grin was small and soft. “Most people don’t.”
“You’re a…” Bodhi frowned when he didn’t understand what Caleb was saying. “T R E A S U R E.” Caleb’s fingers spelled the letters out slow. Deliberate. With purpose.
Bodhi groaned softly and surged in for a kiss. Caleb’s tongue was hot and tasted sweet, and it was strangely comforting. Bodhi had a sudden, wild image of just letting Caleb’s tongue—or even his cock—rest in his mouth, keeping him full and present.
He wasn’t brave enough to say that out loud yet.
“I’m not horny,” he said when he pulled back.
Caleb let out a startled laugh. “Okay. I’m not either. I want to kiss you because I like kissing you. It won’t always be about sex.”
Bodhi took a deep breath—his lungs aching with how much air he drew in—then he let it out in a rush and sagged against Caleb. “I’ll be horny later.”
“Okay.” Caleb grinned and kissed him again for those words. “Is there anything else you need to tell me?” Caleb asked when he pulled back.
Bodhi considered it and the literal answer to that was yes. There was a lot Bodhi had to work through. But the immediate answer was no. He was tired, and drained, and happier in Caleb’s arms than he had been in a long time.
“Feed me,” Bodhi finally said. He considered what he could eat. “Pancakes. But very thin.”
“Crêpes?” Caleb offered.
Bodhi’s eyes widened. “You can make them.”
Caleb laughed and stroked his cheek with the backs of his knuckles. “Yes.”
“Kismet,” Bodhi spelled quickly.
Caleb laughed more, into the kiss he pressed against Bodhi’s mouth, and even when he finally disentangled himself from Bodhi and stood up. He looked down with a fondness in his eyes that Bodhi wanted to keep with him forever. “Thank you.”
Bodhi frowned. “For what?”
“Being you.”
Andoh. That was…he didn’t understand the emotion rushing through him, but it was good. And a little painful. But not at all bad.
Chapter20
Caleb’s ability tokeep his shit together through his guilt and worry lasted while he and Bodhi were awake and distracted. But the moment they were in bed, his anxiety took over.
Knowing his chance at getting a solid eight hours a night was screwed, he spent half of Monday’s wee hours just watching Bodhi sleep. When he finally did drop off, his dreams had been a weird mix of hyper-realistic and hyper-surreal, and he woke up feeling like he had the world’s worst hangover.
The first thing he did was text Wren and tell him he was going to be late to the beach and he’d meet them all there. Wren just sent him a thumb’s up, but Caleb knew he’d be getting the third degree later when his brother had time to corner him.
Rolling onto his side, he pushed a few locks of hair off Bodhi’s forehead and fought the urge to kiss him. In spite of their cleansing talk, the weekend had been tense and strange. After eating crêpes, Bodhi had gone mute again—something Caleb was starting to recognize was not only a coping mechanism, but also something Bodhi couldn’t help even if he wanted to.
