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Now it’s Dad’s turn to stare at me likeI’mthe one who’s lost their mind at the table. “Do you want to be? I thought you wanted your distance, so I was giving it to you. I figured you were worried about nepotism or something, so I didn’t push. The last thing I wanted you to deal with was thinking I was handing anything to you when I know you prefer to earn your spot. If I moved you to my team now, no one would think twice about it because of how well you do. But I didn’t want to make an assumption or put you in an uncomfortable area.”
This might be the nicest thing he’s ever said to me in over a decade. “Oh.”
Dad smiles sadly. “The fact you have no idea about any of this proves how much of a bastard I’ve been to you. It’s not intentional, more of a protective mechanism I need to work on.” He dips his chin towards Thorin. “He got me in contact with a therapist I’ll start seeing in two weeks.” Hope flares briefly in his eyes. “We could do family counseling as we navigate being part of each other’s lives again, if that’s something you’d be interested in?”
I know my immediate response should be happiness or excitement over my father finally offering me something I’ve desperately wanted for years. But it suddenly feels too soon. Too many steps all at once to take. Anxiety closes in around me, making the room feel smaller than it is and like my body is being marched on by a thousand ants. I shove back my chair to get away from the table and stand up, my gaze wildly searching for somewhere that doesn’t seem claustrophobic.
My eyes land on the window, outside in Nana Noel’s courtyard that separates her house from mine. I make a beeline for the backdoor, not bothering to listen to the uproar my apparent departure is having at the table. No, I need air. Real air from outside where the crisp, cool fall is breaching winter so every lungful feels like I’m standing in the freezer hyperventilating. The rush of icy air helps calm my erratic heartbeat as I shove open the door, the sun shining down through the treetops a beacon of calm in the sudden chaos.
“Bex?” Thorin’s voice sounds behind me before the light snick of the door closing follows his footsteps. He doesn’t touch me as he approaches, but settles on standing a foot away, hands tucked in his pockets as he eyes me warily. “Are you alright?”
How do I tell him this is every fantasy I ever envisioned and also like a trap all at once? “No,” I force the stilted word out of my mouth.
Thorin nods his head with a sigh as if he truly understands my predicament. “I apologize if I overstepped any boundaries you have regarding your father.”
In my head, I know he meant well. He wants a clean slate for us, devoid of anything that may make me second guess him. I understand this, but it doesn’t mean my heart doesn’t hurt from his actions at sending me into this dinner blind. “That man,” I jab my finger back towards the kitchen without turning around, “stopped being a parental figure a long time ago. He stopped caring about me. And now it just feels like a cyclone of information.” My nose screws up as my eyes water from the adrenaline suddenly leaving me, the enormity of Dad’s words finally hitting me in the chest. “I’m going to be the CEO of Hastings Center.”
Mom would be so proud.
And it’s the thought that breaks me.
Tears stream down my face, a sob working its way out of my mouth. Thorin doesn’t hesitate to step towards me, collecting me in his arms and holding tightly. I curl into his embrace, letting my emotions bleed out of me the only way I can right now. I don’t know how long we stand there, but eventually I feel the tears slow and my sobs stutter to a halt.
Thorin’s large hand rubs soothing circles on my back. I don’t know how long he’s been murmuring soothing sounds in my ear, but I can suddenly focus on the softness of his voice and the conviction in which he continues to hold me as though he’s going to protect me from anything and everything that might emotionally come our way.
“Why did you do it?” I whisper.
His voice drops, barely heard over the wind, “You know why.”
I do, deep down inside my heart I know why Thorin did this and why he won’t apologize for doing the right thing, even if it hurts me for a brief moment, he’ll see the outcome as acceptable for the momentary anger. “Do you think he’s serious?”
He doesn’t hesitate. “Yes. When I went to speak with him, his love for you is obvious. I don’t think he truly understood how big the divide is until I said something. From what he told me, he’s been wanting to reach out to you but didn’t want to make you uncomfortable if that’s not what you wanted. I think he’s afraid of your outright rejection of him, much like you are of his. I think this toxic situation can be handled in a way that brings you closer if you wish to do that, so I told him to seek therapy.”
“And he agreed.”
Even though it’s not a question, Thorin offers me a patient smile. “It would seem so. I’m on your side. If I thought for one moment your father meant you any ill will, then I never would have sought him out to begin with. I simply would have paid it and dealt with the fallout on my own.”
It’s crazy to think Thorin is ready to write a check to cover the remainder of my loans. I know he has money and it probably isn’t a lot to him, but it’s a lifetime worth to me. My lip wobbles again at the notion of being cared for. “I want to be mad at you,” I force out, “but I’m not.” I place my head back on his chest, tightening my arms around him in a hug.
Thorin chuckles. “I understand. I didn’t think he was going to make an announcement before dinner. I thought maybe he would seek you out at the office this week and have a conversation in private with you.” He mulls over his next thought. “When I came in the door and said you were still getting ready, he smiled at me. I thought Noel was going to burst into tears when he told her how sorry he was for his behavior and how proud and thankful he was for her to raise you into the same being your mother would be proud of.”
“Are you trying to keep me crying?” I sniffle.
“No.” He rubs another soothing circle on my back. “I just want you to have the truth and full support of the people who matter to you. I know your father fucked up in a lot of ways, but I know he loves you enough to make up for it. You deserve to be loved.”
I lean up, pressing a soft kiss on his lips in gratitude. “Thank you for thinking of me.”
“Always.”
If anyone else had done what Thorin did, I would be livid. But it takes a bit for me to trust anyone, especially nowadays. Over the past few months I’ve seen Thorin for the man he is today, not who he was. There’s such a stark difference in his behavior, this grown up version is the best one I could have ever hoped to meet.
“Would you like to go back in and have dinner?” Thorin asks. “I’m sure no one would mind if we bailed if you’re still feeling overwhelmed.”
I snort. Clearly he’s not spent enough time around Nana Noel to know that won’t work. She would rather eat in uncomfortable silence than not eat together. “No, we can go back inside. I just needed to breathe.”
“Perfectly understandable, Bex. Take all the time you need, we aren’t going anywhere.”
Stepping out of his embrace, I grab his hand as we stroll back to the house. When we enter, Nana Noel is patiently waiting in her seat at the head of the table while Dad looks massively uncomfortable and sad in his lone seat across the table from us.
