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There is a wall between us. One we can peek over from time to time, but one I refuse to ever completely climb over. It’s not an intentional thing, but this mental block I have will not allow me to be the least bit vulnerable. And telling this man how much I like him and want to see him again is exposing too much; it’s too personal. All I have left is cruelty.
So I pull up my shorts, jump out of the car, and walk over to unlock the garage where his car is parked. It’s a dick move, acting like I owe him nothing, and he will probably hate me for this, but that’s for the best. Because I already hate myself enough for both of us.
5
THOMAS
He starts my car, and I watch him as he pops the hood to check a couple more things before declaring it’sgood to go.And that’s it. He leaves it running, and waits for me to climb in and drive away.
I still have the taste of his cock on my tongue and he wants to act like he didn’t just make me suck him off in the front seat of his car. Which seems to be a fucking habit of his.
There’s not even a bill to settle, since they have my credit card on file, so there’s literally nothing left to say as I climb into the driver’s seat.
“See you tomorrow,” I mutter as I adjust the seat to fit my height. When I glance up at him, he looks like he wants to say something, but he keeps quiet. Then, he slams my door shut, clearly telling me it’s time to leave.
Sitting in the car under the bright lights of the garage bay, I watch him as he busies himself with cleaning up the shop. I’m still strangely hypnotized by him.
Finally, snapping myself out of it, I reverse out of the garage bay and drive into the dark night. It’s a long quiet road back to the highway, giving me lots of time to think, so I relive the moment we just had in his car with his tight grip on the back of my neck.
I’ve had rough sex before. I’ve been told what to do and how to do it. I like it from time to time, but that’s not what this was. Pax was mad at me. He wanted to hurt me. It turned me on—which is not something I expected.
But something is still bothering me.
He wants to keep me on a string, within his reach, but him out of mine. When he wants me, he takes me and then he immediately dismisses me, and it’s not fucking fair. He’s young, I get that. He’s scared, putting up a wall, using distance as a defense mechanism, but it’s not right. I deserve something more personal, or justsomething more.
“Fuck this,” I mutter to myself as I slam on the brakes and spin the car around before reaching the freeway.
I’m not some fuckboy. Sure, I’m all for casual flings here and there, but I deserve a few words after. Not only that, I want more from Pax. In just two days, this kid has flipped everything upside down, and it’s not fucking fair. I’m not usually so clingy to a one-night stand, but his utter disregard for me has triggered something in me, and I have too much to fucking say to walk away like this.
In the car, he wanted to play games with me. Pretend he’s so unaffected, like nothing happened between us, and that probably pisses me off the most. He may be young, but he doesn’t need to be so fucking immature.
God, what is my deal?I must be crazy, I think as I pull back into the lot of the mechanic shop. His car is still here, but the garage bay door is closed.
I waltz right past his car, and try opening the door to the shop, and I’m shocked to find it swings open easily.
“What are you doing?” a dark voice echoes through the empty garage. He’s standing there in just his shorts and a T-shirt.
I march right over to him, ready to unload all of the things I’ve been piling up in my head on the drive back, but none of them quite make their way out in a coherent order.
“You can’t...do this, Pax,” I say with anger.
“Can’t do what?” he replies in a clipped tone.
“Treat me like this. Like some fuckboy you can use and toss away. I’m notthatguy,” I yell.
“Okay,” he says, and it’s the casual nonchalance in his voice that sends me over the edge. He sounds like a bratty teenager, and it grates on my nerves.
“I’ll admit. I was into it yesterday. I liked the quickie in the office and being what you needed at that moment, but now you’re just…”
“Just what?”
“You don’t want to talk about what happened at school? Fine. You want to be rough and fuck on the downlow? Fine. But you can’t just walk away after and suddenly treat me like you hate me.”
He has such a well-suited plate of armor on, it’s infuriating. It’s clear as fucking day that this is how Pax defends himself from emotions; he acts like it doesn’t matter, and he doesn’t care. And I don’t see any way through that armor, so it’s best to just walk away now before I’m in too deep and there’s no going back.
“You know what...I don't care. I’ll see you in class, but outside of that, there’s nothing.”
“Fine,” he mutters.
