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“Believe me. I do have… inclinations, as I told you before. But they wouldn’t be ethical. I can assure you of that. You’ll thank me for my restraint when you look back on it.”
The shrinking violet in me could have taken over, reverting back to chatter about food, and my work shift looming, but I couldn’t let this go. I wanted to say so much more.
“You don’t know that,” I said.
He put his mug down and looked me in the eyes.
“Have you had sex, Rosie? Tell me. What experience do you have to judge this by?”
He had me at that. I had none, and it was obvious.
“Have you ever kissed anyone?”
“Yes,” I said, because I had. Once. A quick kiss with sloppy tongues with an older boy at the park when I was fourteen. I hadn’t seen him again. He’d only been visiting his uncle.
“Really? Tell me about it.”
I couldn’t tell him the truth, it would be laughable, so I finished up the rest of my toast.
Julian picked up my plate as soon as I was done, stacking it on top of his. He was out of his seat and on his way back through to the kitchen before I could speak.
“Get ready for your shift. You’ll have to leave soon.”
He was right, but I didn’t want to. I couldn’t stop my heart pounding. I couldn’t stop the need to tell him he was wrong about me. That I was ready. That I wanted him. I wanted to be the girl in those photos. I wanted to use the things in his drawer.
I heard the tap come on in the kitchen and cursed under my breath. I wished I was more confident. Maybe then, I could stride in there and grab hold of him and show him I was a woman, not just a virgin in glasses.
I got ready as quicky as I could in the bedroom. All I needed was a taste of it. Just one little teaser that things could spark between me and Julian, on whatever level he’d let them.
Luckily, I had a lip gloss stashed in the bottom of my bag. I put it on, making sure my hair was still a loose tumble in the wardrobe mirror.Sexy.
Ok, cool.
I crammed everything back into my bag, ready to leave, and made sure the bed was made up perfectly.
Julian was waiting for me in the hallway. I almost started when I saw him there, standing tall.
“Please, don’t take this as a rejection,” he said, sounding horribly final. “That truly isn’t the case. This is an untenable situation. I have sides to me that you just don’t know. Sides you wouldn’twantto know. You’re a beautiful young girl with your own world to explore, and I’ll be here to help you on many levels. We can be friends, don’t worry.”
That word was enough to stab. So clichéd.
Friends.
We can befriends.
The phrase fired me up. I didn’t want to befriendswith him. I wanted to be the dirty girl in the photos, and I could take it, if only he’d let me.
I dropped my backpack on the floor, somehow managing to find the strength of confession.
“I have sides to me, too,” I said, then launched into a stream. “I looked in your wardrobe drawer, Julian. I shouldn’t have done, but I was curious when I was taking one of your shirts out. I saw the pictures, and I saw the toys. I do know those sides of you, and it doesn’t make me want it any less. It makes me want itmore.I’m not as innocent as I look. I’m not a little baby who doesn’t know what sex, and smut, and kink is. I love that stuff. I listen to dirty romance audio and read filthy ebooks all the time, whenever I can, and I know I can do it. I can be dirty, too. That’s what I want. I want to be dirty.”
My monologue came to an end, and his eyes were hard on mine.
“You’re innocent. Much more innocent than you realise. Treasure it. It’s a beautiful thing.”
“I’m not!” I said. “I promise you, I’m not!”
I wasn’t expecting the move he made. He was like a snake striking fast as he stepped up close and backed me up against the wall. My eyes must have been like saucers behind my glasses as I felt the heat from him. I gasped as he put a finger under my chin and tipped my face up, my whole body was thrumming with nerves.
