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“I’m begging you, then, please. Just like I begged Mum. Please, promise me you won’t do this. I don’t want you to leave my life. Not ever. I don’t want you to feel like you have to give up on yours!”
Her hurt and panic was so palpable, and seeing her there, so fragile and genuine with her soul on full display, was enough to surpass my own.
“I promise,” I told her, my own feelings of built-up depression and self-hate smashed by her pain.
With that she broke. The sobs came, and the relief came, and she put her hand to her chest, her eyes still on me.
“You swear?!”
“I swear,” I said, and held her tight as she let the dam burst inside.
I did swear it, because Rosie was too much of a delicate, beautiful creature to hurt. My family had banished me, and I deserved that, but Rosie didn’t deserve my suffering to affect her. She was a divine spark of a soul, worthy of everything I had to give.
“I love you,” she said through the sobs. “Please, believe me, Julian. I do!”
“And I love you, too,” I told her, and with that, the tiniest glimmer of hope blessed me, shining through the heaps of fatality I’d held in an icy grip since I walked away from Oxford.
Maybe my little princess was right, after all. Maybe age gaps meant nothing, and our futurecouldwind ahead, further than this excuse of a shithole. She was worthy of whatever she wanted, everything she craved and loved and desired, no matter what that everything would be.
One thing was for sure as a result of that.
I held her tighter and kissed the top of her head.
I’d do my very best to give it to her.
Chapter Nineteen
Rosie
I felt sosecure as I woke in Julian’s arms. The night had brought connections between us I didn’t even know were possible. Any walls between us had fallen away and left nothing but soul to soul alongside body to body. I felt like I belonged here, with him. I’d never imagined I could be so wanted by such an amazing man.
Julianwasan amazing man, but he’d lost sight of it, buried under guilt and shame. I was going to do everything I could to make him happy, just as he was giving his all to help me. I never, ever wanted that to change.
I looked at him as he was sleeping, breaths steady at my side, and I knew I could stay here for ever. I didn’t want to move.
My filthy saviour had been less than bothered about period blood last night. He’d fucked me like it meant nothing to have his cock, fingers and his mouth smeared red, but I didn’t want to bleed all over the bed and everything else in his apartment. I’d likely left smears enough already. His tissues were good, but they wouldn’t cut it as sanitary towels, so shove it. He could tell me it didn’t matter all he wanted, but I needed to grab some of my own supplies from downstairs. I needed to take some responsibility, at least.
I should probably book an appointment at the clinic and get some contraception meds started soon as well, counting this one period as a lucky blessing, given how much I’d had Julian’s cock inside me.
The thought of climbing down the stairs and letting myself in through my own front door felt alien, but it may as well be now.
I didn’t want to disturb my sleeping hero, so I slid out of the covers as softly as I could. I hadn’t bothered to charge my phone last night. I had to scout around the apartment to even find it. There it was, on the dining room table behind some coffee mugs.
I picked it up with a yawn and flicked on the screen, expecting my usual solitary check in message from Mum, but not this time. I had five missed calls from late last night. I could hardly breathe as I clicked to open her latest messages.
I called into the pizza house on the way to work to get a sight of you. I know you quit, and they’d never heard of Jenny.
The next one.
Where the hell are you? Who is Jenny? I know she’s a guy, so bring him over. He can stay in your room, you aren’t twelve, you know. At least let me meet him.
The idea of presenting the man upstairs in our living room with a SURPRISE! was enough to give me shivers. Mum would probably faint out cold before she even had the chance to start yelling. The whole block would be there with popcorn as chaos unfolded, because Mum would never accept Julian was the love of my life, not in a billion years.
It slammed it into me in full colour, and not just in fuzzy imagination. Real life really was out there, waiting, but I didn’t want to be a part of it. I preferred my cocoon up here, so I needed to protect it as well as possible. My bravery shrivelled up in seconds.
I checked the time, and it was still early. Mum wouldn’t be home from her night shift yet, so I took advantage of it. Fast. I threw on my solitary outfit and checked my face wasn’t still covered in the aftermath of marker pen obscenities, and then I dashed downstairs with a thumping heart, two steps at a time. I only had a few short minutes.
It felt weird to put my key in the door and dart inside. I grabbed the few sanitary towels I still had stashed in the bathroom drawer, and I could do with at least a few more clothes. I couldn’t live either naked or in Julian’s shirts and socks for ever.
