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There were no more berries for muesli, so he handed the bowl over to me with nothing but milk and sugar. I was shaking as I took it from him, and his eyes narrowed on mine.
“Are you ok? What just happened?”
My God, I was so scared of his response, and his fear, and his freaking out at the thought that we’d be busted. I blabbed it all out in one long stream, to get it out of the way as quickly as possible.
“Mum messaged, she knows I quit work and that there is no Jenny. I went down before she got home to grab some things, and I needed sanitary towels, and I was quick, I swear, but Trisha saw me on the stairs, and I said it was about Bertie, and helping him get some shopping after college, but she knows something’s up, and she knows–”
He cut my ramble short, putting his hands on my shoulders.
“Take a breath,” he said. “At least you didn’t haveslutwritten across your forehead.”
He laughed.
I didn’t. I covered my face in my hands and groaned.
“I’m so sorry, seriously. I should have been more careful. I could have come up with something better than Jenny, right from the start.”
“Shh,” he said, and planted a kiss on my head. “We were on a limited time window, and that was always the case. This place isn’t exactly a private island, and you couldn’t stay locked in here for ever, no matter how tempting the prospect would be.”
I got a fresh bout of nerves. “What happens now, then? Do I go downstairs and sneak up here when nobody’s looking? Do I pretend I’vesplit upwith Jenny, and go back to college and wait until I can get up here when there’s nobody to see me?”
His eyes were so serious. “Is that what you want?”
“No!” I said. “But you don’t want the bullshit, do you? Everyone will be out to cause shit. Mum will freak out, and Trisha will be a bitch around the whole city.”
He shrugged, still calm. “I’ve been caught out already, for much greater crimes. My double life in Oxford would have caused me and everyone else considerably less hell if I’d have been transparent about it from the start, but I’m not putting that demand onto you. It’s up to you when and if you break the news aboutJenny, but I’ll be right here alongside you, if you want that. I’m not running away again.”
I could have cried with relief.
“Really? You won’t leave? Not even if the whole estate finds out?”
“I won’t leaveyou,” he said. “But you’re the one whose relationships are at stake here. I’ve walked through my own fire before. This is about yours. If you want to play it down and write Jenny off as nothing, I understand.”
I had to laugh. “That’s the opposite of what I want.”
His expression was still serious. “You’re sure about that? You’d really like to be hand in hand with the seedy sicko from apartment six? Walking through this shithole estate with everyone jeering?”
His words took me aback. That wasn’t how I saw it. Julian wasn’t aseedy sickofrom apartment six, he was the man I’d fallen in love with, who loved me in return.
“I’m pointing out the truth,” he continued. “That’s what it will be like. You’ll be a public spectacle with everyone in your life casting judgement. They’ll be maintaining that I’m a pervert, especially if they see me with you. It won’t be pleasant.”
For once in my life, I was glad I didn’t have many people I gave a shit about.
“I don’t care.”
His hands squeezed my shoulders. “I think you might do, when it comes to it.”
“No, I won’t,” I said. “People have been bitching at me since I was a kid. Idiots can say what they like, and I won’t give a shit. You’re not aseedy sicko.” I paused. “The only person’s opinion I really give a toss about is Mum.”
Julian’s eyes were so caring as he looked down at me.
“She’d better be the one you tell first then, hadn’t she?”
Chapter Twenty
Julian
One more night– that’s what Rosie decided on. Our final night of cocooning before we braced ourselves and stepped into the obvious condemnation awaiting outside.
