AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Don’t mansplain, asshole. I need you. I want you. Make love with me? Show me what it’s like to be with a man who actually could love me back if he tried?”
My heart cracked. I meant to explain how I was an agent, that he was a witness, and that I wouldn’t cross the line despite having crossed it before.
I meant to tell him that what we’d done in that hotel room had been wrong and I wouldn’t be doing it again to calm him down, not when I wanted more. But his eyes were bright with emotion, and when he finally stared at me, I lost myself in his sadness and confusion, and I couldn’t help myself.
I kissed him.
ChapterFifteen
Josh
The simple touchof his lips to mine was enough to still my maddening thoughts.
I didn’t wantjustsex. It wasn't about the act itself; it was about the depth of emotion that I had inside me. Each touch between us, each kiss, held meaning beyond sex, and I wanted to be with him every moment I could.
Was he just my hero? Was I thinking things were there that weren’t at all? I think I’m in love but is it real, or is this intense attraction merely a result of our proximity? There was no denying I was attracted to Ethan, but it was more than that. When he's near, my heart races, and I feel warm inside, as if just being near him has the power to brighten everything. The way we laughed and smiled, and the way he spoke to Ben, reading to him and reassuring him that he would look after us both—it was everything.
He was protector, and friend, all rolled into one.
The kiss was shocking and comforting, and everything, and not enough at all. I twisted my fingers into his hair, melting into his hold, showing him how much I wanted this, and he didn’t push me away. Instead, he rested his hands on my hips, tugged me closer, tilted his head, and deepened the kiss. I pulled him so close because I wanted so much.
He tasted like chocolate, and his kisses started forceful then grew lazy, and then became frantic—enough to have me hard against him. He walked me back until my ass hit the counter, and I was up on tiptoes so I could get a better hold. But it wasn’t enough for either of us it seemed, because in a smooth move he helped me onto the counter, cursing into the kiss. Not once while he did that did I let go of him, because if I had let go then he might be able to step away and tell me this was wrong.
How could anything so all-consuming be wrong?
He groaned deep into the kiss and encouraged me to spread my legs so he could stand between them. I could feel everything, and I wanted it all. He didn’t stop kissing for a moment—this wasn’t the kind of kiss that was a prelude to fucking—it felt like a deep connection alternating between scaring me and making me feel secure and wanted. He lowered his grip, pushing his hands down the back of my loose sweats andfinallyhis hands were on the swell of my ass.
I wriggled and hissed as his cold hands caressed my skin. I wanted to touch him back, but I still couldn’t stop gripping his hair. When he eased back from that first kiss, which had become more like a hundred kisses, he was confused, his lips puffy, and his eyes wide.
Please don’t stop. Please don’t stop.
“Shit, Josh,” was all he whispered, and when he tugged his hands from touching my ass and tried to step back I tightened my grip on his hair, and he stared into my eyes with so many questions. “Why?”
“There doesn’t have to be a ‘why’.” I reassured him, and before he could argue I leaned up and tangled my tongue with his, deepening the kiss until it consumed us both. I didn’t want time to think—and I didn’t want him to think either, I wanted us both tofeel.
His hands cupped my ass again, and this time I wriggled until I was perched right on the edge, rocking into him until he was all that was holding me up. I felt weightless, controlled, steady—This is what I needed, someone strong enough, big enough, to kiss me and hold me, and want me. Ethan might not be able to tell me everything was gonna be okay, but he was strong, and I wanted him so bad I could barely breathe with the intensity of it. He made me feel safe. He made me feel needed, but most of all, he revealed tantalizing glances of all the things I wanted in life, one erotically charged, breath-stealing kiss at a time.
“Josh… ” he murmured.
I’d never heard my name spoken with such a weight of emotion, but Ethan was tensing as he talked, and I had to make him stop. “No thinking,” I begged.
“I’m supposed to be protecting you, not thinking of bending you over the nearest surface and fucking you into tomorrow.”
The words alone sent a huge thrill through me, but the way he growled into the next kiss was everything. He wanted me. He was losing control. All I needed to do was hold on tight and I could get this madness out of me.
“Do it,” I demanded and swallowed his groan
He was as close to losing control as I was. He pressed and pushed and rutted against me, setting a punishing rhythm, until jars on the counter behind me were shaking. The noise broke through the insanity of sex, but only long enough for me to know the kitchen wasn’t the best place to be doing this. Ben could wake up, walk in on us, and I’d never properly explained my bisexuality to him, or thought I needed to. How stupid was I?
But if I let go of Ethan it will break the moment…
He appeared to be on the same wavelength, as he reached up and untangled my fingers from his hair. I tried to stop him, but my sex-clumsy grip was no match for his determination, and he caught my hands in his and stepped back. We stared at each other for the longest time, both of us breathing deeply, a flush of scarlet on his skin. He didn’t hesitate to stare down at where I was so hard. I could see the outline of his cock in his jeans, and I’d felt it inside me before, and it was big, and he was so strong, and I wanted it again.
“Please.” With that single word, I was begging him to forget everything that had led us to this point, to calm the panic and the fear inside me for a short time, hold me and make me feel something until maybe tonight I could sleep.
He was torn, and I was losing him, but then he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against mine.
“Not here, okay?”
