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I haven’t dated much in my life, but even I know what that entails, especially after what has already happened between us.
“So talk, uh?” I ask.
He takes my hand again. "Yes, and you are going to have the best coffee in the city ever. I make a mean cup, you'll see," he assures me smugly, but there’s a sweetness in his eyes that knocks the breath out of me.
And then I think the situation over.
Would it be so bad if I let go for once in my life?
I’m attracted to him, he’s attracted to me, and the sex was off the charts.
Why can’t I just enjoy it?
So he probably wants to use me and then walk away.
Fine.
Why can’t I do the same?
I don’t need to open up to enjoy this.
I don't need to be vulnerable, and I most certainly don't need to be fooled by his pretty lies.
Not again. Not like with Jonathan.
I want him so badly.
I want him with every fiber of my body.
For once in my life, I'm going to go with the flow.
I’ll take what I want. I don’t have to risk my heart in the process. It can be purely physical.
It can be just amazing sex, plenty of people do it and I’m so tired of being alone.
I can do the ‘casual thing’.
I have never been this drawn to someone in my life, not even Jonathan, but I can control this. I can shape this. It doesn't need to overpower me. Mom and Nadine keep on telling me I need to get out there, after all.
No one is saying that I have to fall in love. I can keep my heart safe and enjoy this, whatever it is. No strings attached.
I’m the one that goes for his hand this time.
He turns to look at me. “We are almost there, sweetheart.”
“Fine, Derek, but no lies, okay? You don’t need lies to convince me. I’m here.”
For a moment, he seems surprised by my words, then he cups my face with one of his hands and leans over a little to kiss my lips so hotly and fervently I can't catch my breath when he goes back to driving.
“I will never lie to you, baby. I will convince you with the truth.”
* * *
As soon aswe walk out of his private elevator and into his sprawling penthouse, I screw up my courage, drop my bag on the nearest sofa and fling my arms around his neck. I want to be near him. I want to bring back the feeling of absolute passion and abandon we shared Saturday against that wall.
I want Derek to fuck me, claim me, own me, and I want for it to mean nothing. I want to forget myself and only feel with my body.
I push myself up on the tips of my toes and brush my mouth over his chin, his beard tickling my lips.
