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Hebears all the thingsIdetest in this world, thingsIhave endured too much, guilt, repression, fear, regret, doubt, and emotional suppression, all under the guise of being normal.
Iam replete, full to bursting.I’veencountered it too much, and they outweigh all the goodI’veconsumed, even the love.Ifonly it were easy just to cling to the good emotions of others; love, happiness, joy, euphoria, pleasure, and contentment.Thefact is, that they are far outnumbered.Thus, my weariness with this world.Thechain around my neck grows heavier day by day.Ihave given myself a long reprieve, but withEvan,Ihave added weight to that chain.
Onetouch andIcouldn’t turn a blind eye.Ihad to help him, and it was devastating when he ran from me.
DoIbelieve inGod?
HowcanInot?Therehave been too many instances whereIknow, without a doubt, that someone has been placed in my path so thatIcan help them in ways no human can.WhenIstarted my life,Iwas an angry fool.Iabhorred taking on the memories and emotions of the dying becauseIhad no choice in the matter.Ihad to take the bad with the good.Itonly became worse as a soldier.Mysole responsibility was to end the lives of important people so thatIcould obtain their valuable knowledge and give an advantage to my leaders.Warwas my only purpose.
ButGodcreated me with immortality, so eventuallyIwas able to leave war behind.Itwas easier once my family and friends had all died, some guided to death by my own touch.Ireaped their entire lives while their souls went to theGodthat had created us both.Ireaped, and it made me stronger.Ireaped them, and now they haunt me, living on in the depths of my mind and soul.
IfIhad my choice,Iwould be this, whatIam toEvanright now.Icould provide so much comfort and peace, bliss even.Theside effects, however, will remind me how this is not my purpose.
TomorrowIwill be angry at myself when the ravenous hunger overwhelms me.Ican remain in a sort of stasis for long periods of time, but the first taste of vibrant, abiding emotions sets off the starvation.Iimagine it’s akin to a human removing sugar from their diet.Thefirst taste awakens a vicious craving.
FortheAncients, theBloodMoonPhayed, it is the need to consume that can only be satiated by the dying.Ittakes copious amounts of emotions to sustain me and stave off the hunger.
Ilose myself whenIfeed.I’velost myself to this man who needs guidance, or he is going to squander the love he has through a desire to be normal.
I’veexhausted him.Helies in my arms, sleeping, whileIrecklessly walk through his dreams.Iclose my eyes and sink back into his mind.Theaftertaste of feeding from him is still on my tongue, yetI’mback for more.I’vegrown desensitized to it.Thebad and the good barely taste different anymore.MaybeI’vebecome so lust driven thatIcan’t experience their differences anymore.Thepleasure is gone.
Releasinghis bonds has opened a floodgate of truths buried so deep,Iam not sure he even knows them.Heis only just beginning to let some of it seep through.Hefound it easier withRachel.Shehas a darker side he is drawn to, and she encourages him and indulges his kinks.
Heis obsessed that she lets him feed from her breast.Itis a mutual experience they indulge in together.Herhaving her daughter has only deepened his craving.Irealize it is a taboo desire in this age, but that has not always been the case.Itdoesn’t shock or repulse me, but he fears it is sinful.
WithLuke, he has only scratched the surface of a deep-seated desire.Heflourishes underLuke’scontrol.Ithink, if pushed,Evanwould instigate a power struggle with him, just soLukecould overpower him.
“Whathas caused this need?”Iask him.
Forthe first time in this dream state, he regards me, not even awareI’vebeen present in his dreams the entire time.
“Whatneed?”
Indreams, humans are more open.Theylack barriers and tread where they never would in their waking reality.
“Theneed to be controlled?Youwant more than that don’t you?”
Thedreamscape changes to that of three trees in a valley.Thereis a river near where we are, but it’s frozen over.We’restanding under the trees in the snow, but it’s not cold.Evanis handsome in his cowboy hat and gear.Helooks comfortable and at ease with himself.
“Youcan tell?” he asks.
“Yes.”Ireach out and take his hand, removing his hesitations that are present even in his dream state.
“Non-consent appeals to you,”Istate the truth instead of asking.
Helooks away but squeezes my hand. “Likefire to an arsonist, and just as dangerous.”Hiseyes shift down. “Lukewould never do that to me.”
“Haveyou asked him?Atleast you would be safe with him.Hislove for you would protect you.”
“Idon’t know.”Hesighs, heavy with burden. “Ihave been forced to do their bidding, forced to believe their beliefs.”
Thefield changes and there is a large house and barn in the distance.Dreamsare choppy and switch like whiplash.Itcan be confusing when you’re not the dreamer, butIam accustomed to it.
“Yourparents?”
“Yes.Theonly thingsIget to do by choice are small things, football, horseback riding, stealing my sister away from their scrutiny soIcan protect her.”
“Thatis no small thing.”
