AllFreeNovel
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Shenods once, and then leaves me sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, alone.Ifeel pulled in every direction, and findIneed a few minutes to recover from the bombs that just detonated.Finally,Idecide to go back outside and clean up our picnic.Icould use the fresh air, not that it will help.Nothingwill make this better.
* * *
LUKE
Ifall to my knees next to the bed and bury my face in the bedding.Ihurt, everywhere.Thephysical pain is nothing compared to what my heart and head are going through at the moment.Thisis too much—too much to bear.Ican’t even accept what my ears have so clearly heard.
Myhands clench the sheets in an effort to anchor myself to something.Theearth is spinning at breakneck speed, andI’mjust barely hanging on.MaybeIshould let go.Maybeit would hurt less.Tearssting my eyes, and my throat begins to tighten.Noone should feel this much pain in their heart.
Justlet go of everythingI’vebeen fighting for and float away into the ether whereIcan’t feel anymore.
Iknow without a doubt that everyone leaves.Theyleave me here, stuck in this godforsaken house, all alone.I’mnever getting out.Thisis no longer a home.Itis a cage.
Ithrow my arm out, clearing everything from the nightstand.Alightbulb bursts as the lamp crashes to the floor.Iwant to break everything.Icould break the world into a million pieces, but it wouldn’t make a damn difference.
Armssnake around me from behind.Heis so warm against my back, and his hands are like heat lamps on my chest.Instinctively,Ilean back against him, and he takes me into his arms, anchoring me.
Itis a lie though, isn’t it?
Atemporary fix.
Ahit off of a drug that will fade too soon and leave me burning for more.Iwill need more every time untilIeither die from withdrawal or overdose on him.
“I’mhere.”Hislips are desperately pressed to my ear.
Ican’t breathe.Allthe air is sucked out of the room because his presence only serves to nail reality to my chest.
“Ican’t…”Breathe.Iwant to tell him thatIcan’t get my breath, but my chest is tightening, desperate for oxygen.
Evankisses my neck, burning me, marking me, scarring me for life.Iclutch his hands, holding them to my chest.
“Don’tyou fucking leave me!”Ifinally rasp out.
“Iwon’t,” he says with gravity.
Isqueeze his hands hard, wanting it to hurt enough for him to feel how muchImean whatI’msaying.Whena hiss passes through his teeth,IknowI’vesucceeded.Butit isn’t enough.Nothingwill be enough to pull me from this hell.
“Youwill!”Igrit through clenched teeth.Ithrow his hands away from me and elbow him in the ribs.
“Fuck!Luke…”
Istand causing my feet to sting with pain.
“Iwon’t!” he finally finishes.
Ithrow myself on the bed, my back toward him on purpose. “Getout if you’re going to fucking lie to me.Ican’t do this anymore.Ican’t wait for you to love me, beg you to stay with me, beg you to fucking give in to what we feel for one another.Go.You’refree.Gobe your good-boy,straightself.”
Heis still kneeling on the floor behind me.Thereis not one noise, not even the sound of his breathing, butIfucking feel everything as if he andIshare the same soul.
Ihave to let go of all of it, but for some damn reason, it is only making me angry instead of providing relief.
Ifeel like shit.Ashower seems like the only thingIcan tolerate right now.Iget up and strip off my jeans, tossing them in the hamper.Evanis like a statue thatIhave to walk around, kneeling with his head hung low.Hisfists are tight at his sides.
OnceI’mnaked,Ithrow open the door and am met withRachel, sitting on her bed in the opposite room.Sheraises her tear-stained face when she hears me.Iglare at her.
Youfucking betrayed me!Iinternally scream the words becauseIdon’t have the guts to say it out loud.
Itisn’t the truth, but it feels absolutely real to me right now.Hereyes flick down whenItug on my cock that’s getting hard despite everything that’s happened.Howlong will it take for me to stop wanting them?
