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“Gohome so your parents won’t give you grief.I’mtired as fuck.”
“But…”
“I’mfine,Evan.Idon’t need any more thanIhave.”
Hestands, andIcan feel the hurt radiating from him.
Ihang my head and draw in a breath. “Iwouldn’t sleep if you stayed.”
“Whynot?” he presses.
BecauseIneed you.Ineed you so much it hurts.
“Youknow why,”Imumble beforeIclose myself off in the bathroom.Iturn on the shower to fill the silence with something, butIstay with my back pressed against the door and wait.
Shiversscatter across my arms and legs whenIfeel him on the other side of the door.Whydoes he continue to try to hold onto what he can’t even allow himself to want?
“Ilove you.Sleepwell,” he whispers to the door.
Ibite my tongue untilItaste blood.It’sonly whenIhear the door close thatIcan breathe again.Ifight the voice in my head urging me to go to him and beg him to stay, to shower with me and sleep with me.Tolove me any way he is willing.
Idon’t.
Ican’t.
Iwon’t.
* * *
RACHEL
Thecake on my pink paper plate becomes blurry as tears well up in my eyes.
“Oh, honey!Don’tcry!”Samanthasays as she drops down into the chair next to me.Shesqueezes me much too tight, and it only makes me cry more.
“It’sthese damn hormones,”Icurse.
Marygives an amused harrumph to whichKimsmacks her on the arm.
“IgnoreMary.”Kimtakes my plate and pats my knee. “Ihate to tell you that you’ll cry at the drop of a hat even after littleMissOliviagets here.”
“Fuck, don’t tell me that!”Isay asItake the offered tissue and dry my eyes. “I’venever been a crier, butIfeel likeIcry all the time now.”
“Welcometo motherhood,”Marytells me.
Samanthathrusts a pink paper cup at me that has the wordsIt’saGirlprinted on it in big script letters. “Sorryit’s not spiked, but you’re in a delicate way and all.”
Hercomment makes everyone giggle, including me.
“Ican’t believe you did this for me,”Isay asIlook over the break room floor covered in pink paper, frilly bows, and everything and more thanIcould possibly need forOlivia. “It’stoo much!”
Witha collective ‘aww’, they pull me to my feet and surround me with a group hug.
“Youhad to have a baby shower!”
“Welove you,Rachel!”
“Itcould never be too much!”
