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“Hedoesn’t mean it,Evan.Hislove for you is so deep, it will never change,”Itell him.
“Butit has.Isaw it last night.He’sbroken, andIhave contributed to that as much as anyone.”
“Ihad hoped he would understand.Ididn’t plan this.Thiswasn’t how things were supposed to be.”
Hesqueezes me closer. “Iknow.Deepdown he does too, butIthink it was too much for him to take after…after everything.”
Inod and bury my face against his neck.
“Areyou going to go after him?”
Hetips my face up so his blue eyes are focused on me. “Ithought about it.I’mso torn.Iwant to be with you both, but…” he glances up and blinks his eyes. “Ithink we need to leave him alone.EverythingIsaid to him last night seemed to be the wrong thing.Heallowed me to sleep next to him, to hold him through the night, but the rage in him was palpable.”Hiseyes meet mine. “Iwant to stay with you if you’ll allow me.”
Inod, frowning at the sorrow bubbling in my chest.Ifeel his comfort as he holds me closer.Ipull him tighter to me and curl against his body. “Ineed you,”Ibreathe out in desperation.
“Ineed you too.”
Thetowel that was around my body falls loose as his hand slides down, exposing my back.Myhead is swimming again, overwhelmed with emotion and exhaustion.Hishands caress my contours gently.Thetowel falls away as his touch smooths over my skin.Itseems to be exactly whatIneed right now, to be held and touched.Hebegins rocking our bodies again, and it makes me feel so weak thatI’mfighting to stay awake.Butthe weight is too heavy, andI’mtoo tired to fight it.
* * *
EVAN
RachelandIare nothing more than zombies.Ihad too much time to think while she slept, and when she woke, it wasn’t any better.Wehave laid in bed most of the day.ShouldIgo to church to keep up appearances?Rightnow,Idon’t give a damn about anything exceptLukeandRachel.Thethought of leaving her tomorrow is agonizing.
“Didhe say when he would come home?”Hervoice shakes me from my revolving thoughts.
“No.Textedme where he was going.Saidhe needed time.”
Shetakes a long breath. “Doyou think he will want me to move out now?”
Ilean back and look into her eyes. “Honestly,I’mnot sure what he wants.Atleast right now.ButIknowLuke, and he needs time to process, the same as when he stayed with me after his dad’s funeral.Hisfeelings haven’t changed, andI’mcertain he’ll want to take care of you no matter what, just as he promised.”
“I’vebeen thinking maybe it would be the best thing.Goour separate ways and not disrupt his life with a baby when my presence will probably be torture.”
Ibrush the hair away from her face.It’ssoft and light.Herpeach scent is comforting. “Don’tleaveRachel.Wecan’t give up hope that we can…”
“Idon’t think it’s possible.Ijust don’t.”
“Distanceisn’t going to help any of us,”Iinsist.
Herfingers press against my chest. “Thenyou stay too.Don’tleave us,Evan!”
Ituck her under my chin, soIdon’t have to face her eyes.Idon’t have the strength to tell herIcan’t stay ifLukeends things with us.Rightnow, running away is exactly whatIwant to do the most.AsifIcould escape all of this.Maybeit will rip me apart, butIhave to build a life for myself.Ican’t do that here, hiding my feelings for them, continuing to pretend there is nothing between the three of us.Ican’t walk the line between right and wrong and hope no one will discover our secret.
“IfIdidn’t have school,Iwould go check on him after a couple of days.”
“Iknow.I’mnot asking you to miss school.There’senough tension around us without raising suspicion.”
“Ifhe’s not home by the end of the week,I’llgo to him.”
Shesnuggles closer. “Itwill be his birthday.AndI’veruined it for him.Thisis not whatIwanted.Iwanted to go with you both toShadowThornenext weekend as we planned.”Sherises and looks into my eyes. “Ican still come with you.”
Istudy her features and graze my thumb across her lips.
Hopefades from her expression. “Hewon’t want me there, will he?”
“Notthis time.Tryto understand, he feels like he’s lost you.”Islide my fingers down her neck, along her body, and stop over her belly. “Hehad finally let himself love you…love me, but this is his dad’s baby, not his.You’renot going to be the same to him.Hewill be forced to acknowledge you as his stepmother.Idon’t think he believes that will ever change, not anymore.”
