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“Ilove you too.”
Shestands and takes the empty beer bottles with her into the house, leaving me alone under the night sky.Asrealization settles over me,Ifeel panicked.Ifeel exposed.Ifshe knows, then who else knows?Luke’suncle.Thatis one too many people.Ihave to set this right!Ihave to make sure everyone knows thatI’mstraight.It’snot likeLukeis going to change his mind.Whateverwe feel is stunted.It’smore than friendship, but it will never be–that!
Ilean back on the lounger and stare up at the sky.TheloveIfeel for them seeps into my veins, along with the sadness of having to leave them.I’vebeen using all my strength to keep it from tearing me apart.Myrelationship withRachelis the only reasonIdon’t fall apart, or lose hope.Iwish there was some way to make it permanent, maybe not right now, but eventually.Lukeis there for her andOliviain so many ways, but he’s never going to love either of us like he did.ThatleavesRacheland me.HowcanIjustify leaving her when she has my heart too?Iwish there were some way to speed up time to the point where we can finally be together.Racheldeserves to be happy and loved, not alone.Deepdown,IknowLukeandIcould give that to her, butIam left to wonder if she’d have just me.Ifshe would consider trusting me with her happiness?
Myphone buzzes in my pocket.Itis as if she knows.Ismile at her name.
RACHEL:Howdid it go?
EVAN:Fine.Lukecharmed my aunt and put my mom in her place.
RACHEL:HateImissed that.
EVAN:Imiss you.
RACHEL:Itwould not have gone as well hadIbeen there.Youknow that.
EVAN:Iknow.WhatImean is thatImiss you now.
RACHEL:Didsomething happen?
HowdoIeven respond?TellingherAuntEliseknows would only worry and stress her out.
EVAN:No, baby.Myarms feel empty.Needto be with you.
RACHEL:Canyou sneak away?
Iglance toward the house.Thelights are still on in the house and my parents’ bedroom.
EVAN:Idon’t think so.I’msorry.
RACHEL:It’sokay.Iunderstand.Youknow that.
EVAN:Ido.
Iwould ask aboutLuke, butIalready know the answers.Hekeeps his distance because it’s impossible not to be affectionate with each other when we’re alone.Casein point, the scene my aunt witnessed.HowcouldIbe so careless?Anotherreason whyIhave to leave.I’mjust not sureIcan cut them out of my life asIshould.
* * *
RACHEL
Asoft noise wakes me.Mymommy senses are on high alert.Iswear,Iwill never sleep soundly again.Whenthe bed dips,Igasp in surprise.
“Shh, it’s just me,”Evanwhispers.
“Youscared me!”Ifall into his arms.Afterhe kisses my cheek, he lays us down.
“Ionly meant to crawl in bed and hold you.Ididn’t mean to wake you.”
“Whattime is it?Whatare you doing here?”Ittakes me a moment to remember that it’sSundaynight.Ispent the entire day alone withOlivia.Wesat out by the stream, under theAspentree, for a while.Itwas selfish on my part, but she loves being outside.Itwas the firstSundayin several weeks thatEvanwasn’t around.Beforethat,Lukewas staying with me.Ihadn’t expected to seeEvanuntilMonday, after his aunt leaves.
“It’saround three.Icouldn’t sleep.Iwas missing you.”
Iwrap my body around his.WhatamIgoing to do when he leaves?I’mnot going to survive.Sincethe moment we kissed for the first time in theWhiteWolf, his feelings for me have been constant.Hewants to be with me, the same as he did even before that kiss.I’mthe one who tried to push him away, but he came to me whenIneeded him the most.Heis always here whenIneed him most.
Untilhe can’t be.
Ineed to make some decisions, but right now,I’mgoing to stick to avoiding all of it so thatIcan be deep in the here and now.Whichmeans wrapping my limbs around his warm, strong body.Myfingers wander over his skin, through the hair on his chest, and down into the waistband of his boxers.
