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Whenshe bows her head and starts crying,Idrop to my knees and wrap both her andOliviain my embrace.
“Shh,”Iconsole. “I’mnot leaving you,Rachel.Iwon’t ever leave you, no matter the state of our relationship.”
Itonly causes her to cry harder.Idecide it’s best not to say any more.GodknowsI’vehurt her enough anyway.ButknowingEvan, he promised her the moon when he can’t even be sure that he will be able to give it to her.Hewants to.Evanloves with the depth of his soul, but fear stunts his ability to give that love freely.
* * *
RACHEL
I’vebeen sleeping with the engagement ring on my finger.Forthe momentsI’min bed,Ilet myself believe in the dreamIwant to come true.I’vehidden the ring, even taking it off in the middle of the night whenIfeedOlivia.Ithas burned a memory into my skin thatIwear all day, andIswearLukekeeps looking at my finger as if he knows something is missing.
Iwant it so badly.Thepromise of a future with them.
Evanis sitting on the bed, removing his boots.Hishair is still wet from the shower he took at home before driving over here to spend the night with me.Wedidn’t see each other at church becauseIdidn’t go.Thereis simply too much on my mind to be around other people.
“Rachel?”
Ilook up and he is looking in my eyes with a concerned expression.Ismile.
“Youseem a million miles away.”
“I’msorry.”
He’sshirtless, with his jeans unfastened.
“I’vemissed you,” he says softly before he kisses my lips.
“Missedyou too.”Ihave.Everymoment apart from him has been filled with questions, doubts, and fears.
“Whatdo you think?” he asks.
“Aboutwhat?”
“Youwerea million miles away.Ijust told you thatIfound an apartment inChicago.Imean it’s with a roommate, soIthink my parents will go for it.”
“Ithought you would live on campus.”
“Ireally want a place of my own.Aplace away from school.”
Inod, not ready for this conversation.
“Doyou want to see pictures?”Hetakes out his phone and shows me a listing for an apartment in a sky rise building.ModernandSleekis written in bold letters across the top of the page.Iwatch as he flicks through photos.
“Itlooks expensive.”
“Itis, but there is a roommate, so it’s manageable.Studenthousing isn’t cheap either.Iwill work and go to school.IthinkIcan convinceMomthat it will be better than a dorm room.”
Heprobably won’t have trouble convincingEmma.Shelikes the finer things and has a soft spot forEvan.Don’twe all, especially when he turns on the charm.
“That’ssomethingIwanted to talk to you about,” he states.
Ilook up from his phone to his worried expression. “What’swrong?”
“Nothing, it’s just, ifIget this place,Iam going to need to find a job right away.SoI’llleave as soon asIget the confirmation.”
“Butdon’t you have to at least contact them first?”
Hisshoulders slump. “Ialready did.Theguy who lives there said he wants to talk to me so we’re having a phone call tomorrow to set things up.”
