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Ismile. “Curious, but unamused.”
Shelaughs softly. “I’mreally sorry.”
Ireach up and push a few loose strands of her hair behind her ear. “ForwhatRachel?Everythingis fine.You’reallowed time to yourself.”
Hereyes fall closed. “Ididn’t even get out of the car.Idrove to the store and thoughtIwould get a cup of coffee first.Ididn’t even make it inside the coffee shop.Ijust sat in my car, and the next thingIknew, it had been two hours.”
Icrouch down next to the rocking chair and kiss the crown ofOlivia’shead.Noone told me babies’ heads smell so incredible.
“Isit crazy to think the three of us will be together someday?” she asks.
Herquestion knocks the wind out of me.
“Umm…what happened?Rachel, you’re not making any sense.”
“Doyou thinkthe three of us will be together someday?”
Iremove my hat and sit on the floor.Sothis is a heavy conversation. “Idon’t know.Someday?”
“BecauseIbelieve it with all my heart,Luke.IbelieveEvanwill return to us, and he will finally let you in, and you’ll be lovers too.Thethree of us are destined to be together, forever.”
Irelease the breathI’mholding and hang my head. “Idon’t know what to believe.EverythingIlatch on to, or try to hold onto, falls apart,Rachel.”Ilook up. “Ijust don’t know.Itseems too much to hope for.”
“Well, what do you want?”
Ishrug. “That.Iwant all of that.”
“Thenwhy can’t we have that?Whyshould we be afraid to hope for that?”
“Becausehe’s leaving us, little peach.Evancan’t let himself love me, and he is so set on not letting it happen, that he’s running away.”
“Idon’t think he’s running away from us.”
“He’snot running away from you.Youare a woman.Youfit into his category of people he’s allowed to love, despite the age difference, which he really doesn’t give a shit about.Actually,Ithink he likes the taboo of it.”Ilook in her eyes. “He’srunning awayfrom me.”
Fuck, she looks so damn sad.Itry so hard not to get involved, not to interfere, but she won’t let go.
“Wecan wait.Heknows we’ll be here when he’s ready,” she says, butIam at a loss as to where all of this is coming from.
She’sas gone for him asIam…maybe more.Isee how his impending departure is beginning to sink in and affect her.Shetried to pull away, to deal with being a single mother on her own, but she let him back in.Idon’t blame her.Sheloves him.Sheneeds him, andIhave refused to be what she needs.ButIfear he is only going to break her heart.
Thehurt is unbearable.Idon’t want her to be hurt, but that is exactly what is coming.Evanis going to leave.She’sgoing to wait, and as the months pass, and he takes on a new life, she’s going to feel her heart slowly break.
Icome to my feet, biting my tongue.Iam not the one who should be telling her what is so obvious.Ishould not have to be the one to break the truth to her.
“Don’tleave in the middle of our conversation.”
Istop in the doorway.Idon’t want to even turn back around to face her. “Youhave to let him go,Rachel.”
“Why?”
Iturn around. “Becausehe’s leaving, and he isn’t ever coming back.Notto you.Notto me.Notto the life he so desperately wants to leave behind.Don’tlet him hurt you like this.Youhave to let him go and end this thing you’ve got going on between you.Iknow you love him.Iknow he loves you too, but you have to see whatIsee.Babe,Evan’sgoing to outgrow us, and when that happens, his guilt won’t let him return.That, and the fear of his family’s judgment.”
Istart to leave again whenIhear her sniffle.
Shit!
Itake a few steps back to her and wipe away a tear that has landed on her cheek. “Ilove you,Rachel, with all my heart.Ineed you not to be in pieces when the dust settles.Idon’t know about us.MaybeI’llalways hope for the three of us, but please protect yourself…forOlivia, for me.”
