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Hegets under the covers and rolls to his side. “Iget the feeling he saw you before that.”
“Why?Whatdid he say?”Iask.
“Nothing,Rachel, but he was clearly upset.Icouldn’t get him to talk to me.”
Ilet my head drop back to the wall behind me. “Youknow he comes over everySunday?”
“Ididn’t know it waseverySunday, butIassumed.”
Iroll my head to the side and look into his drowsy, golden eyes. “It’sbeen good.Sogood,Luke.Ineeded him, and he was there for me.”
Luketakes my hand. “I’mglad he could be there whenIcouldn’t.”
Isigh knowing he means it, and how muchIwish he was mad about it. “Imiss you,Luke.Weboth do.”
Hishand slips away to scrub over his face. “Iknow.Imiss you both too.”
Thenwhy does it have to be this way?Iwant to ask.Lukehas given me his reasons more than once.Ijust hate them. “Ifell more in love with him.Ithink he fell harder too because…he proposed.”
Luke’seyebrows shoot up, and he props himself up with his elbow. “Proposed?” he rasps out.
Inod and hold out my hand, stretching my fingers. “Gaveme a ring.Saidit was his grandmother’s.”
Luke’sgaze locks on the empty space between us. “I…I.Damn!”
“Iknow.Ilove him.Iwant him with all my heart.Idon’t know; maybeIthought it meant he would stay, or come back, something.”
“Yousaid yes?”Lukeasks with concern etched in his eyes.
Iblink back tears. “Ilove him.”
Henods. “Ifyou said yes, thenIdon’t understand why he was upset.”
“Heasked me a week ago.Then, when he came over, he was showing me pictures of his apartment inChicagoand talking about his plans.Ithit me all of a sudden.Ithought about what you had said, about howIneeded to let him go because he wasn’t going to come back for either of us.”
“Fuck,Rachel!Don’tlisten to me!I’menvious and scared, butInever should have told you how to handle your relationship withEvan.”
Ishrug one shoulder. “Butyou were right, and until that moment,Ihadn’t seen it.Ilooked into his eyes and saw this big wide world, too big for our little town.Itbroke my heart, butIgave the ring back.Ilet him go.”
Lukerolls to his back and covers his face with his hands.
Feelingthe need for a few minutes to allow us both to process,Itake care ofO, changing her diaper and making a spot for her on the bed.Lukerubs her tiny fingers with his thumb, watching her intently.
“That’swhen he came here.Everythingmakes a lot more sense now,” he muses.
“Whathappened?”Iask cautiously.
“Ilove him too, so damn much,Rachel.”
Islide my fingers through his damp hair. “Iknow you do.”
“Hewas drinking.Idon’t know how many shots he had beforeIfound him on my sofa.Hetold me about the apartment.Askedme to convince him to stay, but you knowIcouldn’t.Hehas to do this for himself.AmIwrong?”
Ishake my head. “You’veknown that all along.Youwere smart to accept it before things got more entangled.”
“Didn’tmake a difference.Ikept falling more in love with both of you, a little more all the time.Onlydifference was thatIkept myself from being with you both.Iwatched from the sidelines as the two of you took advantage of the time the three of us had left.Sowhen he literally threw himself at my feet,Icaved.Fuck,Ididn’t just cave,Itook up the flag and ran with it.”
Ican’t stop the hope that builds in my chest. “Luke?Didyou andEvan…”
