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My heart ached a little for the father I’d never had a chance to know. The one who had wanted me more than my mother ever did. I wanted to know about him. What he had been like, who he had been, how much of him I could find in myself—all ofthe things I had never cared much to know until I learned that my father had a name.
David Stratton.
“Then, after he died, my dad …” Levi’s eyes clouded with his own sadness and pain—something I recognized deeply. “He hated your mom, yet he went to hell and back, trying to protect her from herself—foryou. But the stress and depression over burying my brother drove him to a massive heart attack. Killed him”—he snapped his fingers—“just like that, right in front of me.”
My lips fell open with a gasp I kept concealed. Giving him the space to continue his confession. One Iwanted, buthadn’t even had to ask for.
It was like he needed to tell it as much as I needed to listen.
“Mom went a few months later. Pneumonia. And what the hell was I supposed to do, huh? It was just Seth and me at that point. David had already fucked up his reputation by the time he died, so I figured I’d follow in his footsteps’causewhat else did I have?”
I answered then, “You could’ve gotten ajob, man. You could’ve done better for yourself.”
His face hardened, turning his features to stone. “Oh, hey, pot. It’s me, kettle. I’d shake your hand if I wasn’t chained to this fucking table.” He rattled the cuffs to further prove his point.
“We all made our fucking choices,” he continued. “We knew what we were doing, but we did what we had to do. Simple as that. I’m not judging you, but you sure as fuck had better not judge me.”
I twisted my lips, thinking about that for a moment, only to realize he was right. Maybe in the beginning, I hadn’t understood the tragic magnitude of what I was doing, back when I was naive and young. But eventually when I was older—wiser—I knew. I just couldn’t stop, not until I had been forced to.
“Fair enough,” I conceded witha bowof my chin.
He relaxed again, just a little. “I’m not proud of the shit I did or what happened to Billy—fucking kid didn’t have that coming. Butnothingwe can do about it now. You’re just lucky you got out when you did. Seth would’ve gotten to you before he got to your mom.”
“What?” I let my mouth fall open, shocked by the sudden revelation. “I thought—”
Levi’s eyes softened just a little. “I didn’t kill your mom, man. Back in the day, I’d hated her, yeah. She had driven my brother crazy, she had killed him, and I had wanted her as cold and dead as he was … but …” He sucked in a deep breath, then said on his exhale, “I, uh … Idunno… when you were locked up, we … we hooked up, and, uh, I guess Isortagrew to love her.”
He licked his lips and kept his eyes on the chains holding him down. Hiding the sorrow he held in hisheart, andI realized then that someone hadactually lovedmy mom in the end. The warmth of knowing someone had cared for her—in whatever dysfunctional, fucked up way—brought a relief I hadn’t known I needed, and I struggled not to tear up from the gratitude coursing through my bones.
“Anyway”—Levi cleared his throat and swallowed hard—“Seth pumped her with those fucking pills, and I helped him cover it up after the fact.”
I shook my head, disbelieving. “But I—I told the cops—”
“You told them what you thought you knew.” He looked up at me and lifted the side of his mouth as he shrugged. “So, I took the rap.”
“But Seth …” I slouched against the chair and held my hand to my forehead. “He said you turned him in.”
He nodded slowly, giving me the space to let the truth swallow me up and leave me feeling hollow. “For dealing, man. Not murder.”
“Jesus Christ, Levi.” I glanced toward the door, shaking my head. “Why didn’t you—”
“We’re all protecting someone, Soldier. But some of us don’t get to win.”
We were more alike than I ever could have imagined. Once upon a time, the Soldier I used to be never would’ve admitted to our similarities or the parallel paths we had walked unknowingly. But the man I was now hung his head, wishing I had known before. Wishing we could’ve been there for each other instead of warring over—what? A beef we never trulyhad?
It felt stupid now. Juvenile and petty.
The guard opened the door abruptly. “All right, time’s up.”
I acknowledged him with a nod. “Can we just have another minute?”
He took a moment to consider it and then sighed. “I’ll give you five, but wrap it up, okay?”
He closed the door behind him, and Levi nudged his temple toward the door. “Charlie and I are tight, but don’t tell anyone I told you that.”
I could only smile, remembering what that had been like. Befriending Harry and not wanting anyone to know until it just didn’t seem to matter anymore. And now, we were inseparable, like father and son. He had been my best man at my and Ray’s wedding, and we had made him our youngest son’s godfather. I loved him the way I had loved Grampa, and if Grampa were still alive, I knew without a doubt he’d love Harry too.
Levi eyed me expectantly, waiting for whatever it was I wanted to say, whatever had driven me to ask Charlie for another minute.
