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“No, that’s supposed to be The Great Loudini.”
June tosses me a slightly amused scowl.
“The Great Loudini solves crimes.”
The casual explanation prompts her smirk to deepen.
“He’s like mini-Sherlock Holmes mixed with Anya fromSpy × Family.”
“That’s our favorite anime for us all to watch! Even your mom and Rich like it!”
“Yeah, I like to think of it as ourTeenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.” Picking up my fallen charcoal pencil allows me to correct the shading on his top hat. “Lo and I watch itwithyou. And we watch it when wemissyou.” Her hands hold the pad steady for me to make the adjustments. “He wants us to go as them for Halloween this year too.”
June’s entire frame seems to melt. “You guys are already talking about Halloween?”
“Baby, the kid started talking aboutthisHalloweenlastHalloween, like two houses in to trick-or-treating.”
Her giggles have me glancing upward to drink in the expression like the nectar from the gods it is. “I could probably pull off the red chunky sweater look.”
“And you know I’m always open to wearing a fedora.” More laughter bounces back and forth between us, further alleviating the tension in the room. “Or havingyouwear one of my fedora’s and nothing else.” Redness instantly tints her cheeks prompting me to purr, “I love that shade on you.” I abandon the drawing tool at the same time I add, “When it’s not in anger.”
The heavy exhale she expels is expected. “Tuck-”
“You should drink your tea before it gets cold.” Swapping out the pad for the cup occurs without resistance. “And I honestly don’t know how well dewberries will reheat.”
She winds her hands around the mug and indulges in a small sip before seeking information, “Why didn’t you tell me you lost Lo yesterday?”
“Why’d you really wait to tell me you were pregnant?”
June’s fingers nervously clink against the cup, a sign she’s afraid of letting the jumbled mix brewing out of her mouth. “I wasn’t…meaning…to?”
“Was that meant to be a question or a statement?”
Frustration flares her nostrils. “It was meant to be an answer!”
Unsure of what to say without yet again making the situation worse is what leads me to staying silent.
“I wanted to tell you before we left, but then the dishwasher broke, and Lo’s magic class thing needed our deposit and signature and then Ernie reminded me I needed to book campus tours for the different academies we may want him to start at next fall and I still had to finish packing and-” she cuts herself with an exasperated breath. “Look Tuck, I wasn’tintentionallyhiding this from you. I wouldneverhide something like this from you. I just…needed the right timing and in waiting for the right timing…it…seemed like it never came.” Nodding my understanding is executed in tandem with gentle kneading of her feet. “And given how you responded yesterday; I think it’s safe to assume there would’veneverbeen a right time.”
“June-”
“I didn’t get pregnant on purpose, Tucker! I didn’t just decide to extend and upheave our lives as we know it without consulting you! I didn’t even think wewouldget knocked up again especially how strapped for time our sex life is. Er…was…pre-vacation. Nonetheless,” she clutches the cup tighter, “it happened, and we need to talk about how you feel becauseyour feelingsmatter, babe.”
Guilt over my previous fears grabs me unforgivingly by the throat.
“It doesn’t change our circumstances – Iampregnant, and our familyisgrowing – but it can change how we approach them going forward. How and what needs to be altered or primed or refurbished so that being with me, being withusdoesn’t open the paint can of resentment neither of us wants to dip into.”
“Thank you,” I thoughtlessly coo, fingers still tenderly touching the toes in my grasp.
Bewilderment is tossed my way after another sip. “For?”
“Being willing to listen.” My bare shoulders tumble towards the ground. “Foralwaysbeing willing to listen. To me. To Lo. To the others in our family.” Drawing in a deep breath is harder than I anticipate. “I thinkthat’smy greatest fear with us having another child.”
“That I won’t listen anymore?”
“That it’ll be harder toheareach other.”
Confusion lingers in her expression pushing me to continue.
