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We walked together after I gave a little wave to Noah, who’d dismounted and was heading out of the corral. He nodded while the grin spread on his face, and I wanted to laugh too. I knew if I did, however, that Joel would likely turn-tail and run.
In the soddy, I took the chair and let Joel sit on the bed. He kept his face down so all I could see of him was the top of his light beige hat. “Joel, look at me, please.”
The face came into view slowly, and I noticed, maybe for the first time, how handsome he was. Young, skinny as a rail, but handsome. He kept his facial hair trimmed severely in a goatee and his hair was short, but not so much that it didn’t frame his pale face nicely.
His eyes were dark emerald, so dark, it was hard to tell their color. “Thanks. Listen, Joel, we know you’ve been… watching us.”
Head lowered again immediately, and he stammered hard to deny it, but I stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.
“No, Joel. It’s okay. We’re not mad.”
I got to see his face again, as he couldn’t help but look at me, probably to see if I was lying. “You… you’re not?”
“No. You’re curious. We think that you’re… you’re gay, and that’s one thing?”
“No! I’m?”
“Joel,” I cautioned, and he finally relented, his shoulders falling in defeat.
“Fine, okay? Don’t tell nobody.”
“I won’t tell anyone. Who would I tell? I barely know anyone. I’ve met a few of Noah’s friends, but they seem to avoid us or something.”
“No, that ain’t it. They’re happy for Noah, is all. They’re letting you have… what did Ma say? A honeymoon. I guess people have honeymoons even if they ain’t married. You ain’t married, are ya?”
“No. It’s like we are, though. I guess they’re right about that. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, you, a young, gay man, are probably curious about other gay men.”
Though he’d lowered his face, it wasn’t all blocked by the hat that time and I saw the grin he had.
“What?”
“I get my fuck on enough, Eli. I ain’t no virgin, if that’s what you think.”
I couldn’t have been more shocked if he’s whipped his dick out and waved it at me.
There were too many questions coming to me, but I only managed, “Then… then why? Why are you watching us?”
“It ain’t the fucking. It’s the other stuff you get up to.”
It became clear. Noah and thought so, but I’d dismissed it. Like always, Noah was right. “It’s the… kink.”
I watched the red bloom over his face and neck like a can of red paint had spilled over him. He didn’t need to answer with words, with his body telling the tale, but he tried.
“I…it’s just…I dunno…”
“It’s okay, Joel. How old are you?”
“Twenty-four.”
He was older than I’d thought. “You… read about things? Get on the internet and…”
“That’s all fake stuff.”
He wasn’t wrong. On the internet, there were three bullshit sites for every real one, and if you didn’t know where to look, you could definitely get bad information. “I’m no teacher, but… I’m sure I can find you some books or sites to tell you to look…” That even sounded lame to me, and it must have to him, as he rose from the bed.
“I gotta go…”
“No. Sit,” I said, ready to scream. I wasn’t a teacher, I wasn’t a BDSM instructor. I knew what I liked. I knew the rules, and I knew good from bad play and…
