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I got dressed and went out to help, and we spent the rest of the day working. That was the best thing he did for me, keep me busy, keep me tired, and when I got shaky again, he lay a hand on my shoulder, keeping himself in my line of sight and he spoke to me, so I knew he was close, in case my eyes forgot to focus on him.
Almost another week had passed before I thought to ask him about how he knew about me. We sat on the porch in our usual evening relaxation. The sun was going down in front of our eyes, casting colors in the sky right before it darkened almost black.
“How did you know? About me being… you know, submissive?”
It took him a minute to answer. He watched the sky like the answer was there, but I knew he’d tell me the truth. He just had a way of saying it right the first time. “You know, I haven’t always been here, day in, day out. I’ve seen my share of the world and done things that would curl your weird fucking ponytail.”
I open-mouth laughed and sunk a little lower in the wooden deck chair. “I didn’t assume, really. I just didn’t know how you knew about me.”
“I got a sense about things. Like knowing you were gay too, it comes to me. It’s like horses. Some act like they have a burr under their saddles, but you get hold of them in the right way, and they tame right down, real nice.”
“I’m… like a horse?”
“Yeah. A pretty stallion that maybe wasn’t treated right and needs to be handled different than some others. That’s not a judgment, and it’s not a reason to worry.”
“No, it’s… perceptive.”
I looked over at him, and he stayed a minute or two, watching the sky. His handling of me took a skill that didn’t come from simply being a cowboy. He was a dominant. That’s what he’d meant by saying he’d done things.
When his eyes met mine, I saw it again, something behind the kindness and toughness. There was fire there, and I wasn’t imagining it. Something was happening between us, but I don’t believe either wanted to push it for fear of it ending badly.
The tension was heavy, and my body was drawn to his. If he’d have held his hand out for me that night and taken me to bed, I’d have gone, but we’d have regretted it. It wasn’t yet time for that, if it ever would be. I’d lose a man I’d come to care for more than I thought possible.
He stood slowly and, as he was turning away from me, said, “I’m getting my ass to bed soon. We have an early day tomorrow.”
“I’ll turn in soon too, with a fire tonight.”
Just as his hand touched the doorknob, he whispered, “I’d recommend it.”
When the door was shut, I felt myself smiling. I felt like it was fate, that I broke down where I did and had a white knight come to rescue me, bringing me to a place where my demons were beginning to tame, and my heart felt peace for the first time in more years than I wanted to think about.
That pull I’d felt from him from the minute we met, I thought was much like Noah’s instinct. Maybe I had felt it, Noah being the dominant I craved. The man that could finally give me what I needed and what I needed most was to submit to him.
Each time he glanced my way, I wanted to do nothing except please him. Sure, it was partly that I had so much respect for the man. Noah was like steel, hard and beautiful, but under that, he had a heart that I knew could love and care for a wayward, needy man like I was.
I got up and made my way to the soddy, heading into the place and appreciating it more than I had before that day, and I’d always loved it. I made a fire; I smiled throughout the entire time I was washing up and getting down to my briefs to slide under the covers.
I knew I wouldn’t have a nightmare that night. It wasn’t something I’d ever known, but that night, I did. And sure enough, when Noah banged on my door in the morning, I woke still smiling.
“I’m up,” I called, jumping out of bed to a cold that chilled me right through. I looked out the window at Noah and saw him covered in snow.
Quickly, I got the door open so he could come inside the soddy, but it wasn’t much warmer. “You need to come stay at the house. I have another bedroom. It’s got a dresser, so you can fucking unpack. I’m not letting you stay if you insist?”
“I’m fine with sleeping in the house. I’m fine with storing my clothes there, but…” I looked around the soddy and realized I’d miss it too much to fully leave it. “I’d like to come back here and be… I don’t know…”
“I’m not locking the damn door behind you,” he said gruffly, but his lips were twitching into a smile.
“Okay, great. Thanks, Noah.”
“Stop thanking me, boy. You have no idea what you got yourself into. It’s cold as the North Pole outside, so…” He looked right at my leather jacket on the hook by the door. “You only have that?”
“For a coat, yeah,” I admitted, realizing it wouldn’t be warm enough.
“I’ll fetch you one, but we’ll have to head to town soon and I’ll get you one of your own, and some long johns, warm socks. You’re about to get baptized in the coldest winter of your life, I’m betting.”
I couldn’t keep the smile from my own lips. “I can’t wait.”
“You’re fucking weird. I’ll get a hat to cover that fancy little ponytail too.”
