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I had the distinct impulse to kiss him. It came on me fast, and I didn’t expect it. I held back, because of all I’d thought the evening before, but damn, if I didn’t want to feel that man’s lips, feel his warmth around me.
Was I falling in love? In lust? I didn’t know about all that, but I had a deep appreciation for Noah that came with feelings I wasn’t quite sure about. I’d take it slow, maybe, or wait for him to make a move. Either way, I started that day with a hope that hadn’t been inside me for far too long.
Chapter Seven
BelievingIhadfallenin love, that was how I started my day. I went with Noah to the house, and he gathered things for me to wear, including a ski cap to cover “my weird ponytail”.
A few weeks in and I thought I was in love, and I didn’t even know the man yet. I guess, looking back, that came with everything I was keeping inside myself. I was looking for a hero, maybe, or a man that could take care of me, because, at that time, I couldn’t take care of myself.
Sure, I could have gotten another job and a place to live, fed myself, but that wasn’t the kind of care I needed. I didn’t want his money or his home. I wanted him to need me as much as I needed him. I wanted him to push all my demons away, and that he was great at doing.
But it wasn’t love yet on that freezing morning. I didn’t know it, so like some lovesick puppy, I followed him around, jumping to help whenever I thought I should. It wasn’t until that afternoon, and I had counted dozens of strange looks from him I realized what I’d been doing.
He never asked, which I was grateful for. If he had, I’d have likely blurted something out that would have humiliated me later.
We’d gone straight to the cattle that morning, and it was the first time I’d seen why he’d been worried. The snow was deep on the road, not that it was much of a road. Riding it on the horses differed greatly from in the truck, but the plow he had placed on the front at least let them get through.
The snow was less deep in the little valley, and most of the cattle were under the three-walled barns. We had to get the heaters going, placing a metal pole into the water after breaking the top inch of ice.
“Won’t these electrocute them?”
“Yeah,” he said, and he was turned away from me, so I couldn’t see his grin. “I like my beef like that. Cooked from the inside out.”
I laughed as he turned and showed me all his teeth with the huge smile. “Okay, so, in other words, I’m an idiot?”
“Not an idiot, but you’re not real bright about some things.”
We checked the fences, and they were fine, and fed the cattle the hay we’d brought in the truck. It took up most of the morning, doing those seemingly simple things, and by afternoon, I was beat.
Eating a late lunch in his thankfully warm kitchen, he started telling me about the spare room. “Big dresser in there, which is good. We’ll head to town tomorrow after we check the cattle to get you some warm clothes.”
I didn’t want him buying them for me, which I stated, but he reminded me he’d offered me money on top of room and board. “I haven’t paid you yet because I haven’t gotten to town to get cash. Once we’re there, you can buy your things, but I’ll help. I want you to get good clothes. It’s not a matter of fashion, either. It’s a matter of things lasting out here, so you don’t have to buy more in a month.”
“Got it. Thanks, Noah,” I said, staring at him, seeing him like he was a god or something.
“What’s gotten into you today?”
I stammered without getting an actual word out, and he just laughed a little.
“I won’t ask.”
I was glad, because that night, in the bed inside the big house, I thought all of it over and knew how stupid I’d been. The guy was wonderful, and maybe I had a crush, or I was falling, but I wasn’t there yet. He was gorgeous, good to me, and those things combined made for feelings, sure, but I knew myself. I’d fall for him, or think I did, and I’d make a mess of things. I had to rein in my feelings until he felt the same way.
Still, I fell asleep thinking about him and woke up the same way. It was hard not to. Noah was something different from any guy I’d ever been around in my life. I didn’t want to mess it up, even if all we ever werewas friends.
Maybe I’d been a trophy for too long and thought Noah would want me for that, to have a good-looking man around to play with, when and if he wanted to play at all. I was too used to Harvey, and I needed to get that out of my head.
Noah was no Harvey. I sat on the edge of that bed, that creaking, wonderfully uncomfortable bed, and I laughed at that thought. Noah was a real man, a real person, doing real things, being a real friend, a real companion. Harvey played with numbers, played with people’s lives.
Comparing the two was stupid, too. I hated when others compared people in their lives. Everyone was different, unique, and Noah wasn’t near Harvey, wasn’t near anyone. He was all by himself on the top of the bunch.
If I wanted us to be more than friends, he would not take that step by me acting like some pretty boy or gawking at him. I was going to have to prove myself.
I dressed for the morning in all the warm things he’d lent me, and he handed me an egg and bacon sandwich when I emerged from the room. “Thanks,” I said as I took a bite.
“The weather cleared last night, so we should have an easier time of it today, but those fields and that road will be a muddy mess by noon. We need to get all this done by then and no later.”
“While everything is still frozen, right?”
