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His voice was so commanding, strong, and deep that it gave me chills. “Get to the cross.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Ryan was a Master, and he’d thusly mastered all implements in a dungeon from the jail where he’d lived so long. He got me on the cross, massaging my shoulders after I was strapped in, whispering, “You’re going to be fine. You’re going to take this, and it will make you stronger, let you be a better Master for Theo and a more confident man. Do you trust me, Hud.”
“Yes. I do. I trust you.”
“Good. I trust you too. What’s your safeword?”
I didn’t have a special one like Theo. “Red, Sir.”
“Good. This is from love and trust. This pain is coming because I respect you and know you need this.” He helped me off with my shirt and assured me my hair was tied tight on top of my head.
I nodded, and he backed away from me while my eyelids slid shut; my breathing slowed, and I tried to find where Theo was before I started on him. It took looking deep inside myself, finding a place that could turn pain into a soft thing that helped me and sent my anxiety and fear to the far reaches of the universe. All the times I’d been told to be strong, to be a leader, never follow anyone, and holding guns, holding the heaviest of secrets, all of it sloughed off me as I heard Ryan practicing with the whip.
I knew it would burn, would sting like a thousand bees, but I needed it. I needed to be taken away, brought out of my constantly moving thoughts and worries that I wasn’t good enough for Theo, that I wasn’t man enough for him, that I was falling in love with men left and right and?
CRACK!
Gone. My mind went instantly blank of words, filling instead with a brilliant white light. The pain came much later after the light warmed and soothed me, making me float on a cloud of thoughtless, wordless, fearless wonder…
CRACK!
I felt my head falling back, and I stopped breathing; warm water surrounded me, making me weightless. A big man like me, weightless, it was extraordinary.
CRACK!
More of the light and warm water caressing my skin, surrounding any thought that tried to enter and drowning it. I heard Ryan’s voice, as if it was far away, miles, and the touch of his hand on my shoulder.
“Answer me! Are you okay?”
“I’m,” I started, then turned my head, barely seeing him. “I’m okay. More, please, more.”
I felt the soft brush of his lips on my neck before he was gone, leaving me in that pool of glorious water, letting me float there. I didn’t feel lonely, I felt free, and the next lash of the whip didn’t burn at all. It felt like a touch, a loving, sweet touch.
I took twenty lashes, I was told later, begging for more still, but Ryan knew I’d had enough. He got me down from the cross with Burke’s help, and as Burke held me on the stage, suddenly Theo was there, clinging to me. “Are you okay, Hud?”
“I’m perfect. You’re perfect,” I whispered.
“You sound drunk,” Theo said, laughing. “Monster.”
“I feel drunk.”
Brett was there too. “Can you make it until the announcement?”
I nodded, wanting to see the reaction. He kissed me, then went to the microphone. Ryan held me and whispered, “You did so well. Jesus, Hud, I thought I was killing you.”
“No. That was…the best I may have ever felt.”
“You were in deep subspace, babe. I’m so fucking proud of you.”
“Me too,” Theo said. “I caught the end. You were amazing.”
“You were, too,” I told him.
Burke finally said, “I got so fucking hard watching that. Joel’s drooling on himself over there.”
We laughed, and Theo waved to Joel. Then, we all turned to Brett, who nodded to us. He was nervous; it was apparent, so I told him, “If Theo and I could get whipped, this is a piece of cake.”
