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It was the worst night of my life. So, it was only fitting that it ended with me hugging the porcelain.
Suffice it to say, I was miserable.
“There. All done, and if I do say so myself, you look incredible.”
I shudder at her words. I don’t want to look up. I don’t want to see the woman preparing to marry a man she hardly knows when she’s madly in love with someone else.
I dig my nails that are freshly painted a pale pink that makes me gag into my palms until the pain borders unbearable. Only then, do I force my head up and look at the stranger looking back at me. I look fake, like a touched up model on a magazine cover. My normally stick straight hair has been curled into waves that appear effortless, but took hours. Half of it is artfully piled on top of my head. Little sparkles catch my eye from the crystals and tiny rosebuds to match my dress.
My face has been contoured so my flattish nose appears abnormally tiny. My eyes look huge, like an anime character. I actually like that because of how much Essie enjoys the books. And my mouth is painted red. It looks gaudy and eye-catching when I want nothing more than to disappear.
I hate it. Every single inch of it is awful.
Instead of saying that, I force a smile on my face, and murmur. “I look beautiful. Thank you.”
She nods and smiles a big smile as she smacks her gum. “You betcha, sugar. Now, let me get across the hall to help with the finishing touches for your bridesmaids.”
I scoff, but she’s turned her back already so she doesn’t see it. I didn’t pick a single bridesmaid. There’s six, including my sister-in -law, and I only know two others who are distant cousins. The rest are daughters of my mother’s friends, or should I say associates?
Nothing about this wedding has anything to do with me. I'm basically a placeholder that could easily be replaced with a woman off the street.
I'm not alone for long when the door swings open and my mother’s scowling face appears. She studies me for the longest time, like an amoeba under a microscope. No doubt she’s looking for flaws, a reason to nag me.
Somehow, she’s satisfied and shows it with a single nod. “You’ll do.”
I huff a laugh but only inside my head. I wonder if that’s what she thought when I was born.
“Let’s get you in your dress.”
I don’t hesitate to rise to my feet and unknot my robe leaving me in sexy white lingerie bought by this woman for my groom. It just makes me feel dirty because no one should be allowed to see me in so little but the person I love.
It’s almost a relief when she maneuvers the ridiculous dress with it’s too full skirt and it’s fussy lace up my body. Once it’s zipped up, she studies me once more. “Yes, this is the perfect dress. Sophisticated with just enough skin to be a little sexy.”
I can’t hide my shudder because who the fuck wants their mother to talk about their daughter being sexy?
Her eyes narrow. “If you embarrass me today, there will be hell to pay. Do you understand me, young lady?”
I swallow thickly but nod. “I understand, mommy.”
She steps closer, too close until I can feel her hot breath on my face. “You better.”
I hold my breath until she finally puts space between us. She checks her watch that somehow doesn’t clash with her oriental style dress with a mandarin collar.
“Your father should be here any minute. He’ll ride with you to the church.”
She’s gone as quickly as she came, and I can finally breathe again. Not that it’s much of a respite. It doesn’t change this charging locomotive, nor does it change my path. Very soon I’m going to crash and burn and nothing and no one will save me.
Chapter Thirty Eight
? Estrella ?
I contemplate the white chapel surrounded by a sea of bluebells.
“She couldn’t have picked a nicer place or a better day,” Caleb muses.
I sneer. “Whose side are you on?”
“Yers, of course.” He winks for good measure.
