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My eyes light up. I know I probably shouldn’t eat so much; I’ll get bloated, but at the same time, I haven’t been self-conscious once with Derek. He’s just got a way about him that makes me feel beautiful. Besides, I’m hungry. Not to mention Ilovepizza.
“Extra olives,” I say excitedly as he orders. “Don’t forget the olives.”
Derek looks at me like I’m nuts. “Olives?”
I shrug. “Just craving them,” I say, and he shrugs and orders a large pepperoni with extra olives and some garlic bread.
I climb into his lap while he’s on the phone and he chuckles, putting his arms around me while he finishes ordering. I’m still just wearing one of his T-shirts, and by the time the pizza delivery guy gets there, we’re making out on the couch, his hand trailing along my inner thigh.
Derek groans when the doorbell rings.
“I’ll get it,” I offer, standing up, but he grabs the hem of his T-shirt and tugs me back down on the couch, frowning.
“Not with your ass hanging out,” he barks, and I grin up at him. I like it when he gets possessive, I can’t help myself. I watch him adjust himself in his sweats as he goes to the door and my heart just nearly leaps out of my chest. It’s amazing, how much you can want someone that you barely know, really.
Derek doesn’t open up, or at least he hasn’t until this weekend, but when the pizza arrives, he drinks a few beers even though I decline, not wanting to blur any other part of this weekend with booze, and as I see it, nothing can happen that will ruin this weekend for me.
23
DEREK
Iprobably drink too much after the pizza comes. That’s what I blame it on, later, blame it on the booze and the rare weekend without my kids, my vacation. I blame it on everything else but my heart.
I don’t remember, later, what moment it was that made me lose it. I don’t remember why. Something about the way she smiled or how she ate her pizza, something about how she looked at me.
“Kenna,” I say, and she turns toward me with the biggest smile. “Look at you.”
Kenna looks down at herself as if something like pizza has fallen on her T-shirt and I laugh.
“What?” she asks, and I shake my head, smiling, as if I’m not sure, either. She pouts when I don’t answer, crawls across the floor where she’s been sitting cross-legged and puts her hands on my thighs. “You can’t close up on me now, not the last night.”
I take in a deep breath, looking down into her bright blue eyes.
“A guy could fall in love,” I mumble, and Kenna climbs up into my lap and kisses me until I pick her up and carry her up the stairs.
We don’t even make it halfway. I take her right there, on the stairs, and it’s uncomfortable and we’ll probably both have bruises but I just cannotwaitto have her. I never had that with Suzanna, or the brief flings that I had since Suzanna left. I never had that withanybody.
I can’t keep my hands off her, all weekend, and I have no idea how we turn back from this. I don’t want to, and it scares the absolute shit out of me.
I slide my hands up the T-shirt that she’s wearing,myT-shirt, and she arches her back as I pump in and out of her as she cries out my name, and I love the sound of it on her tongue. I kiss her like I can taste it there and she mumbles something into my mouth.
I pull away so that I can hear her, looking into her eyes, and that’s when my heart stops beating.
I can see it in her eyes. I can see it all over her face and part of me is hoping she’ll say it and another part knows that if she does, we can’t ever go back.
“I’m already in love with you, Derek,” she says, her voice cracking, and there are tears in her eyes and my heart is soaring and breaking at the same time.
I did this. I did this to her, and I can’t back it up. I can’t tell her that I love her too because I’m too scared and broken to know if I can love her back in the way she deserves.
But I can’t tell her any of that so I just kiss her, angle my hips up like I’ve discovered she likes, and she clenches around me, coming, clawing her nails down my shoulders.
I hope it stings for days in the shower.
When we’re both spent, I pick her up and she’s light as a feather. Her arms go around my neck and she tucks her head against my chest. I put her in my bed again, unable to face putting her back in her own. Not yet, anyway.
She nuzzles up against me and my breath catches in my throat.
“Do you think you could love me too, Derek?” she murmurs.
