AllFreeNovel
Share Us
My heart seizes up in my chest and I tell myself not to speak, not to say anything.
“Maybe I already do,” I murmur back, and Kenna doesn’t push me. She doesn’t say anything, just rests her head on my chest and closes her eyes.
I don’t sleep for hours and hours, staring at the ceiling and trying to figure out what the fuck I’m going to do.
* * *
The kids aren’t coming backuntil the afternoon, or at least that’s what my mother said, but I have a sneaking suspicion she’ll bring them back early. They can be more than a handful, and my mother’s getting up there in age. She has some trouble with arthritis and that’s why she can’t watch them full-time.
So, I get up early, leave Kenna snoring softly in my bed, still in just my T-shirt, and make a pot of coffee. I still have no idea how I’m going to walk this back. I don’t know how I’m going to do this, after this weekend.
It turns out that I don’t have much time to think about it, because I hear the buzz of the gate opening through the intercom and I squeeze my eyes shut tight.
Maggie comes running in through the back door to the kitchen wearing a princess dress and with a tiara tangled in her hair. “Daddy, Daddy look,” she says, holding up a wand that has seen better days. “Nana got me a wand!”
“You’re a real princess,” I say, smiling down at her, and then my mother walks in, holding Eli on her hip.
She looks exhausted and I take him from her. He plants a big kiss on my cheek and rests his head on my shoulder, seeming almost as tired as my mother does.
Maggie’s all energy, though, waving around her wand and shouting and then she runs into the living room and lets out a big gasp as I’m telling Mom goodbye.
“You hadpizzawithout us?”
I groan inwardly, remembering that I haven’t cleaned up after last night.
I smile at my mother. “Thank you for watching them this weekend,” I say, and lean down to kiss her cheek.
“We had a blast,” she says, smiling back, and pats my shoulder. “I’m going home to lie down,” she says dryly, and I laugh.
“See you next time, Mom.”
I trail into the living room with Eli. I plop him down on the couch and he lies down, sucking his thumb. I sigh. I’ve really got to work on breaking him of that before his teeth grow in crooked.
One hurdle at a time.
Maggie frowns up at me, gesturing down to the pizza box and I laugh.
“I’ll order you guys some tonight,” I promise, and she finally favors me with a smile.
Eli seems half asleep and I know that I’ll have to get him up and started again if I want him to sleep tonight, but he looks so cute there on the couch that I can’t quite bring myself to do it.
“Did you have fun, buddy?” I ask softly, and Eli smiles around his thumb, nodding.
He keeps looking toward the stairs. Maggie’s still looking at the pizza as if I’ve betrayed her. It feels strange to have been without them for two full nights and a day, and it’s like I didn’t realize until this moment how much I’ve missed them.
I sit down on the couch next to Eli, feeling almost exhausted myself after a debaucherous weekend that I can never repeat.
Kenna comes down the stairs, and thank god she’s pulled on a pair of my sweats. She rubs her eyes and blinks once or twice, standing on the stairs and I can barely bear to look at her.
Eli pops off the couch suddenly, startling me, and goes running full-tilt toward the stairs.
“Mama!”he shouts, jumping up into Kenna’s arms, and my heart seems to drop out of my body into the floor.
24
KENNA
Ilook over at Derek, shocked, and there’s absolutely nothing on his face. It’s like he’s shut off all over again and my heart sinks.
