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“Kenna,” I call after her, and she turns.
“What do you want from me, Derek?” she asks, sounding exasperated, her face stricken.
I swallow, hard, and look away.
“You’re too young,” I mumble.
“You’re starting to sound like a broken record,” she snaps, and continues up the stairs.
The sound of her shutting her door is loud in my head, and I end up falling asleep on the couch, trying to run from my thoughts.
26
KENNA
Ispent last night at Cherie’s house, talking with her all night, and I’d barely slept. It seems like I won’t sleep tonight, either, because of how furious I am with Derek.
Cherie is right. How dare he? He spent the whole weekend open with me, making love to me, and now it’s just over? Just because what? Because I’m twenty-two instead of thirty-two?
I know my own mind and my own emotions. I’m a grown woman. I pace around my room, unable to settle down, but finally, I sit on the edge of my bed.
I expect to hear Derek clomping up the stairs, but I don’t, and finally, I manage a thin few hours of sleep.
When I wake up, Derek and the kids are gone, and he’s left me a note.
Take the day off.
I fume. The only reason he’s taking the kids to that drop-in daycare or his parents’ house is because he’s afraid to be here alone with me.
I don’t know what to do. I want to tell him about the baby growing in my stomach, but he won’t even talk to me. Am I supposed to ambush him and just blurt it out? That sounds childish and selfish. He needs to be told, but what future can we have if he doesn’t even think I’m adult enough to be with? Will he ask me to terminate it because I’m not old enough to be a mom?
Thinking about all of this is making me so stressed I want to throw up again.
First things first. I need to know if everything is okay. Regardless of what will happen when I tell Derek, I already know I’m keeping this baby, so I have to see a doctor and then I can figure out where to go from there.
With a plan in mind, I call around and manage to get an appointment to see a doctor. I never thought that I would be going to an ultrasound alone, all the times I’d imagined having kids, but here I am.
Derek is not a possibility, with his silent treatment right now. Mom and Dad would be delighted under normal circumstances, but these circumstances are all but normal. I know that Cherie would have gone with me, but I don’t want to ask her. I figure, worst case scenario, if I'm going to have to raise this baby alone, I might as well do the appointment alone.
I think that I’ll be okay. I don’t feel like crying, that is, until the doctor puts the ultrasound wand on my stomach and I hear the heartbeat.
It’s steady and strong and I instantly burst into tears.
The doctor looks at me. “There are options...” she starts, but I cut her off, shaking my head.
“It’s just happiness,” I insist, although it’s certainly mixed with sadness. “I’ve always wanted a baby.”
She smiles. “It looks like you’re around ten weeks along. The baby seems to be doing well. Just make sure that you up your calorie intake a little bit each week.”
“I'll have no trouble doing that,” I state with a snort.
When I get back to Derek’s mansion, I stare at the ultrasound pictures and I wonder how in the hell I’m going to tell my parents. For all they know, I never even had a boyfriend. I don’t know how to tell them that I’ve been sleeping with my boss.
Ican’ttell them. I can’t tell anyone. Cherie knows, but I know that she won’t say anything. Derek needs to know, of course, but he needs to be around and willing to talk to me first.
I don’t know what to do, if I’m honest. How will I be able to continue working with him and being around those two kids I love like my own already, while I have to worry about my little one too? And will he ever talk to me again? I need to tell him but how? Will he wait months? Will I be showing by then?
My stomach turns and I run to the bathroom. Since I didn’t eat anything yet, nothing but bile comes out. All this stress is making me sick, literally. And it’s bad for the baby.
