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“I need to see the kids,” I say, and she frowns.
“I worry that you’re getting too attached to them, Kenna.”
“I guess I am,” I mumble. “But I love those kids, Mom.”
“I know you do,” she soothes as the doctor walks out to get my discharge papers ready. “But you can’t stress yourself out too much.”
“I won’t,” I assure her, even though I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I guess I’ll have to go home to Derek’s and talk to the kids, spend maybe a week there to soak up some quality time with them.
By the time the doctor returns with the paperwork, my mother is ready to give me a ride home. I get dressed and take my little box of all my things that Derek brought me, including Maggie and Eli’s drawings and get-well cards.
I show them to my mother and she smiles widely.
“We need to get back into their lives,” she says softly. “Maybe Derek will let us see them while you’re in college. They’re your cousins, after all.”
I nod slowly, thinking that it’s strange to think of them as my cousins instead of my own children. I love them like they’re my own.
My mother drives me to Derek’s and marvels at how big the place is.
“Derek’s done well for himself, hasn’t he?” she comments, and I laugh.
“Yeah, slightly,” I say. “I guess he’s good at what he does.”
I know that Derek is in marketing and sales, but his personality isn’t anything like a salesman, so I wonder. I guess maybe he’s different at work than he is around everyone else.
When I arrive at Derek’s, Maggie’s in the living room, which seems destroyed by toys, and Eli’s lying on the couch.
Maggie turns to look at me and drops everything she’s been holding, running toward me and jumping up into my arms.
I catch her with a groan and Derek comes walking in from the kitchen.
“Don’t knock her over, she’s still sick,” he complains, and tries to take Maggie from me but she yells and I shake my head.
“She’s fine,” I say, taking her over to the couch so I can see Eli, too.
He leans against me and I put my hand in his hair.
“Being sick is no joke, huh?” I ask him, and he nods listlessly. I guess he isn’t all better yet. I feel still tired and sore myself, especially in my neck area, so I can understand.
“We missed yousomuch, Kenna,” Maggie says empathetically, hugging me tight around my neck.
“I missed you too, cupcake,” I say, and she grins and buries her face in my neck.
“She’s probably not feeling up to playing just yet,” Derek warns, and Maggie frowns at him.
“I’m going to be gentle,” she says, even though she’s practically wringing my neck.
I smile at her, hugging her tight with one arm and putting an arm around Eli.
How did my aunt do this? Because they are not even really mine and I don’t know how I'mevergoing to leave them.
33
DEREK
As I sit there and watch Kenna with my kids, I can’t understand the anger that’s rising in me. I don’t know why I feel so upset at the thought of her leaving, of her leaving the kids. Of her leavingme.
Feeling abandoned is the worst feeling in the world, but I know that Kenna leaving is my fault. I can’t help all the old emotions that rise up in me, though, and I try to bite my tongue.
