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“Derek, I need to talk to you,” she says.
“I need to talk to you, too,” I say back, feeling nervous. A flush heats my cheeks.
“Let’s go out by the pool,” she suggests, and I follow her downstairs and out onto the deck.
She sits down on one of the lawn chairs and doesn’t face me, staring straight ahead.
“Is this about you leaving?” I ask softly.
“Kind of,” she admits, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye.
She steadies herself by bracing herself on the chair and I frown.
“Are you feeling okay?”
She shakes her head. “Not really.”
“Then we don’t have to talk about this right now,” I say firmly, not sure if I’m glad to get out of it but not wanting to upset her by confessing while she’s ill.
“We have to,” she whispers, but she’s gone so pale that I stand up and scoop her into my arms. She squeaks but holds on, her arms around my neck as I carry her back into the house.
I take her upstairs into her room and she leans her head against my chest as if she’s exhausted.
“Maybe I swam too much with the kids,” she murmurs, and I hum in the back of my throat and deposit her down on the bed, kissing her temple.
“Get some rest,” I say, even though it’s only eight. “You need to heal and get better.”
Kenna nods slightly and closes her eyes, and I hate that I haven’t told her, but she needs to get better. She doesn’t need extra stress.
What if she’s angry with me? What if she hates me now? There are so many possibilities, and only a few of them good.
What do I think is going to happen? That she’s just going to agree to be with me even though I’ve rejected her, even though I made love to her just last night and then told her I don’t trust her? I hate myself.
I’ve been sending her mixed signals for weeks, and I can see that now. I didn’t mean to, but I had, and no wonder she wants to leave.
How would it feel if she’d done that to me? Kenna has always been clear about what she wants, and she wants me. She wants this family.
And now, I don’t know if I can convince her to be a part of it.
36
KENNA
Idon’t know why I began to feel so ill out at the pool, but I guess it probably had something to do with what I had to tell Derek. I’m nervous as all hell, and I don’t know how to say it.
I’m pregnant and I know you don’t want me or trust me, but can we be a family?
I scoff at the thought, rolling over in bed. As I lie there, I start to feel worse and worse and finally have to run to the bathroom, throwing up.
After I vomit, I sit down on the toilet to pee, and when I wipe, I look at the tissue, shocked.Blood.
It’s dark red, and my heart jumps into my throat. I’m terrified. Thebaby.
I think that I shouldn’t drive myself but I’ve been lying in bed, not sleeping, for hours, and it’s after midnight.
I swallow hard and walk to Derek’s bedroom, opening the door and knocking on the doorjamb.
Derek sits up quickly, rubbing at his eyes. “Kenna? Is it one of the kids?”
