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I’m trembling when my mother drops me off at Derek’s.
“Ken, are you okay?” she asks as she pulls into the gate.
“Fine,” I tell her with a plastered-on smile. “Just still a little weak and shaky.”
“You get in there and get some rest,” she orders me. “I know the kids will be happy to see you but you make sure to take care of yourself and my grandbaby.”
I chuckle, patting her hand before opening the car door. “I will, Mom.”
Maggie meets me at the door with her drawings and cards that she’s made me, three of them in different colors and with different pictures.
I ooh and ahh over them and Eli abruptly tries to show her up by bringing his own drawing, a scribbled mess that I pretend is the prettiest picture in the universe.
The way they beam at me makes my heart shatter all over again.
Derek must have taken the day off work, because he’s in the kitchen, making lunch for the kids.
“Do you want something to eat?” he asks in a flat tone.
“Sure,” I answer, and in a few moments, he brings lunch into the living room, which he never does. The kids sit next to me, me in the middle between them, and Derek sits in the recliner across from us.
He won’t even look at me.
After lunch, I go up to take a nap and sleep a few thin hours. When I wake up, it’s time for the kids to go to bed and I tuck them both in, kissing Eli’s cheek and wrapping Maggie tightly the way she likes.
“Snug as a bug in a rug,” I tell her, and she gives me a smile. She’s lost a tooth since the last time I’d seen her. “Did the tooth fairy come to see you?” I ask, and she nods happily.
“Gave me five bucks,” she says proudly.
“Geez,” I marvel. “I only ever got a dollar.”
“Maybe my teeth are special.”
I laugh. “Probably. You are a very special little girl.”
I stand up, but Maggie grabs my hand, tugging me back.
“Kenna?”
“What is it, sweetie?”
“You know how Eli calls you Mama?”
I nod, swallowing hard.
“Would you be mad if I called you Mama too?”
My heart aches so much I feel like I’m dying, and I lean down and kiss her forehead.
“You can call me whatever you want,” I assure her, and she closes her eyes, smiling.
I’m fighting tears when I go downstairs for a glass of water and Derek is in the kitchen, eating peanut butter on graham crackers with milk, just in a pair of sweats, his chest bare.
I try not to look at him.
I don’t know what to say. I want to put off leaving as long as possible. I don’t want to tell those kids that I’m leaving them. I don’t want them to feel abandoned like their mother, my aunt, abandoned them. But deep down, the real reason is that I don’t want to leave at all.
I expect Derek to leave. I figure he’ll pad back upstairs and leave me down there alone. I go into the fridge for a bottle of water and suddenly his arms wrap around my waist from behind, his face pressing into the side of my neck.
