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“What—did you just lick cum from my hand?” Tanner asks.
I glance up to see him staring at me with wide-eyed surprise.
I grin at him. “It would have been a shame for it to go to waste.”
“You seriously like cum that much?” It’s not exactly judgement in his tone, more just a general confusion.
I shrug, offering a smile. “I seriously do.”
He glances away, a frown touching is features. “You must think I’m such a prude—not wanting your cum in me.”
“Tanner, I’ve already told you, you don’t have to apologize for stuff you’re not into,” I say firmly, seeing as how it didn’t seem to take the first time. “But, likewise, I’m not going to apologize for or try to sensor anything that Iaminto. I’m a gay man—I’m going to be into stuff that you might balk at. That’s why you have the safe word.”
He nods, still looking a little unsure.
“Speaking of…I’m sorry I didn’t check with you about the positionbeforeI actually put my cock in you. I know you told me not to stop, but I got the impression you weren’t a hundred per cent comfortable with it?”
“It was…different,” he allows.
“Did you feel…um…emasculated?” I ask warily. “Because that really wasn’t my intention.” It’s not something I even considered; most bottoms love to be manhandled, but, of course, Tanner’s not like most bottoms.
He lets out a wry breath of laughter. “I’m plenty secure in my masculinity. You don’t have to worry about that. But…it was a lot. I liked it, obviously. But it was just…” He lets out a breath as he gathers his thoughts. “Overwhelming, I guess. And with the kissing as well…I liked that too, but now my head’s all messed up. I want to kiss you, but I don’t understand what’s happening.” He lifts a hand to rub at his forehead, as though trying to massage the thoughts out. “This used to be simple.”
“So basically, I’ve done the opposite of what you needed. Instead of helping you relieve your stress, I’ve just added to it.”
“I—no—I’m not…” He sighs and lifts one shoulder in a shrug. “It was a really fucking good orgasm…”
But it wasn’t what he needed.
I can’t say I’m surprised that Tanner’s freaking out a little, but I was expecting something more along the lines of, “I’m not gay, I don’t kiss men, yada yada yada.” The fact that he clearly enjoyed what we did tonight is just adding to his confusion and that really pains me. I don’t want to be the cause of any feelings of anxiety or overwhelm that he’s experiencing. I’m supposed to be the cure for that.
I feel weird standing here completely naked while we have this serious conversation, so I grab my briefs and jeans from the floor and tug them on, taking up a position leaning against the hallway wall. Tanner does the same, leaning back against the opposite wall. He’s left his jeans unfastened, however, and it’s incredibly distracting.
I manage to tear my gaze from his crotch and look at his face, finding his eyes glimmering with amusement. “What do we do now?” I ask. “Because I don’t want to be a trigger for your anxiety.”
He offers a rueful smile. “Trust me, there are far more stressful things I have to deal with in my life than whatever confusion I have over...all that,” he says, gesturing at the door.
I frown, not really liking the sound of that. “I don’t want to add to it. Especially not when the point is supposed to be stress relief.”
“Well, I don’t want to stop fucking,” he says simply. “You’re way too good at it.”
I let out a breath of amusement, my lips curving up. “Thanks.”
Tanner eyes me levelly, and I can see him hesitating for a moment before he speaks. “Would you consider…doing things like we did the other night? I know I said yes to the kissing, but…”
“It’s too much…” I let out a sigh as a stab of disappointment hits me, shifting my gaze toward the door, where not that long ago I seriously thought we had it made. I’ve never questioned my sexuality before, so I can’t imagine what Tanner must be thinking right now. But it’s clear that his cock had full control of the reins just before and now that his mind’s back in charge, he’s having a really difficult time adjusting to the new reality. It might not seem like much of a change considering he’s been comfortable letting guys fuck him for years; but what we did tonight was very different—I made sure of that, didn’t I?
“So…you need distance, and I need intimacy,” I finally say, shifting my gaze back to Tanner.
“It’s a deal-breaker then?” he asks, wincing with obvious disappointment.
I thrust a hand through my hair in frustration. “I don’t want it to be.” And I sure as fuck don’t want him going out and finding other walking dildos to help him with his stress relief. I think it over a little more before coming to decision. I glance up at Tanner and nod. “Okay, we can fuck the way you want to, but I want three things.”
His brows shoot up. “Have you considered getting into the corporate world? You’re quite the negotiator.”
I screw my nose up. “I spend enough time around suits thanks to my brother and my buddies. That’s more than enough for me, thanks.”
Tanner looks stunned for a moment and I wonder for a second if I’ve insulted him by shitting on the corporate world, but then he gives a little shake of his head and hits me with a questioning look. “What are your terms?”
