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Me:And did it help?
Tanner Grimsay:I have no idea. Pretty sure Jazz is twisting his brain inside out trying not to think about which of my buddies I could have been talking about. And I learned some things about one of HIS friends that I’d really prefer I didn’t know. But for me…I’m not sure. I feel like a mess of contradictions
I let out a sigh. Selfishly, I wanted Tanner to work everything out really quickly. But I knew that wasn’t a realistic scenario. He’s dealing with an onslaught of feelings and sensations and desires that he’s never felt before and doesn’t understand. It’s going to take him time to figure out what it all means and what he wants.
Me:That’s okay. You’ll get there.
Tanner Grimsay:There was no judgement though. Jazz is not exactly the type to hold back his opinions so I wasn’t sure what to expect, but he took it all in stride (albeit without knowing we were talking about me)
Me:I’m not surprised. You’re a really good dad so that kind of tracks
Me:Is his name seriously Jazz?
Tanner Grimsay:??Jasper. But only his grandmother gets away with calling him that.
“Ah-he-hem.”
I glance up at the sound of someone dramatically clearing their throat to find my sister Blair—the middle child and the rebel of the family—staring at me with an arched brow. I slip my phone back in my pocket and offer a soft smile. “Hey, what’s up?”
“Who’s the new guy?” she asks, blue-painted lips curved in a knowing smirk.
I blink at her. “Excuse me?”
She rolls her eyes. “Please, you’ve been pretty much glued to your phone all weekend. And you’ve got this whole sex glow thing happening.” She waves a hand over me, as though she’s pointing out an interesting feature in a work of art or something.
I let out an exasperated groan. “Jesus, did you and Skyler both go to some Jedi sex school or something?”
Her brows shoot up. “No, but let me know if you hear of one because it sounds fabulous.”
“What do you even know about sex anyway? You’re ace.”
“And you think that means I don’t enjoy sex?” She shakes her head in mock disappointment. “Little brother, you need some education. I might not be sexually attracted to people, but trust me I can get just as horny as anyone else.”
“So…what…you have sex with people you’re not attracted to?” I ask warily, not sure why I’m continuing with this conversation. “You don’t just…um…take care of things yourself?”
She gives a dramatic eye roll. “Well I can’t exactly lick my own pussy, can I?”
I cringe and turn away.Whydid I ask that question? My brain is obviously broken. “Fucking hell, Blair. I really didn’t need to know that.”
“Too bad—you opened the door, and now that I know just how patchy your knowledge is, you’re going to sit here and listen to my spiel.” She grabs my arm and leads me across the room to a corner where there’s a little sofa. The party’s pretty much winding down now so there aren’t too many people around.
Damn it, I just want to go up to my room and sext with Tanner. Why the hell did I start down this road? I really don’t want to sit here and listen to the intimate details of my sister’s sex life. Before now I always thought of Blair as the safe one, but I guess I’ve fallen victim to popular misconception—and maybe a little wishful thinking. Apparently asexual does not equal celibate.
“Alright, so—”
“Blair, come on, I don’t need to hear all this,” I groan, thrusting a hand through my hair.
“I had to listen to Sullivan’s very graphic description of life as a gay man when I was about seventeen, so you’re hearing this.”
“This isn’t a pay it forward situation,” I grumble. “Why don’t you go find Sully and torture him?”
“Because you’re here now, and you’re the baby, and you asked,” she says with a casual shrug.
I let out a heavy sigh and slump back into the sofa. May as well get comfortable, I guess. When Blair decides on something, there’s no talking her out of it.
“Alright, it’s time to introduce you to the fascinating world of asexuality. And stop looking at me like I’m about to smash your kneecaps in,” she adds with a scowl. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to make you sit here while I bust every ace myth out there—there are way too many of them and I don’t have any wine. So let’s just skip to the sex stuff… There are definitely a ton of aceys who are totally repulsed by sex—some might never feel any kind of arousal, and others might get a bit horny sometimes but have no interest in engaging with a partner. There are others who are kind of indifferent. They might not be super into it, but they’re not repulsed by it. There might be particular acts they enjoy more than others, and they might be more open to it if they’re in a serious relationship. And then there are others that do enjoy sex with others, and will generally seek out a partner when they get horny. That might not be that often, or it could be on a frequent basis. And there are a bunch of people who fall somewhere in between all of those as well,” she explains, waving her hands as though to demonstrate a line in the air. “Asexuality has absolutely nothing to do with libido—it’s purely about sexual attraction, or lack thereof.”
“Okay…I think I’ve got it. Can I go now?” I practically beg.
