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“No,” she says, tugging on my arm to pull me back down as I try to rise from my seat.
I let out a heavy sigh. “Can you please at least keep the specifics to a minimum.”
“So I’m one of the people who enjoy having sex with a partner when I get horny,” she says, completely disregarding my request. “I mean, jilling off is fine and it does the job when I can’t really be fucked going out to hook up. But like I said, I love getting eaten out, so I need to find a girl for that when I’m in that sort of mood.”
My head jolts up in sudden confusion. “Girl? I thought you were straight…no—” I try to think of the right word for an ace person who dates their opposite gender and am immensely proud of myself when I manage to pull it from the back of my mind. “I mean heteroromantic.”
Blair groans. “Oh my god, you’re still not getting it. I don’t give a shit who I’m having sex with. I mean, I have certain standards obviously, but other than that it doesn’t matter. I go for women because they know what they’re doing down there. Finding a guy who wants to eat pussy is a fucking dice roll. I mean, they might do it, but it’s usually only for about five seconds before they try to put their dick in you.”
“Please, god, make it stop,” I groan. “I’ll tell you what you want to know, just make it stop.”
“I only hook up with guys when I really need a dick in me,” she continues.
“Blair,please,”I beg. “I’m scarred for life.”
She shakes her head. “God, you’re such a fucking prude. You realize Willow and Summer have way more sex than I do, right? I mean, Willow and Dean are probably up in their room fucking right now.”
I glare at her. “I hate you.” As far as I’m concerned, none of my sisters have sex. Neither do my parents for that matter, except for those five times back in the late eighties and early nineties.
Despite my better judgement, I find myself asking, “If guys are so horrible, why do you date them instead of women?”
“Guys aren’thorrible,” she says. “They’re really sweet. Well, not all of them, but the ones I’ve dated were. And a relationship is completely different to a hook-up. You have time to learn about each other and figure out what works.” She screws up her face as she contines, “Girls are fucking bitches. I could never date one.”
I feel like my brain is about to explode from both the influx of information and the effort it’s taking not to think about my sister’s sex life.
“Okay, now it’s your turn,” Blair says brightly. “Who’s the guy?”
I groan, tossing my head back against the wall behind me. “No. We’re not getting into this.”
“You said you’d tell me what I wanted to know,” she argues.
“Yeah, if you stopped the torture. Which you didn’t.”
“God, you’re such a baby,” she grumbles. “And I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about Sully and your roommate!”
I shrug. “I didn’t know myself until recently.”
“How is that possible?”
“Well, unlike you, Sully doesn’t share the excruciating details of his sex life.”
Blair rolls her eyes. Then her expression morphs into one of curiosity. “A bear cub though? That’s such an interesting development when you think about all the bony little twinks he usually goes for.”
She’s definitely not the only member of my family to make such an observation since Sullivan and Drew arrived here yesterday. Weirdly, the fact that he’s so different to the guys Sully usually dates seems to have endeared Drew to my entire family instantaneously. They’re so happy for Sully not to be dating some ultra-smooth, shallow asshole who’s only interested in him for his money and connections that they’ve completely fallen in love with Drew already. I’m pretty sure Mom will cry for a week when they ‘break up’.
Blair taps a finger to her chin in thought. “I’m really not getting the sub vibe from Drew, which is really interesting because I always thought Sully was super toppy in like a dom way.”
“I’m really uncomfortable talking about this,” I grumble.
“But Drew just so doesn’t look like the kind of guy who likes being told what to do. Like, ever,” she says, once again completely ignoring me. “So does that mean Sully’s not a total dom?”
“Do you realize how creepy you sound, speculating about your brother’s sex life?”
“Are you seriously saying you’re not the least bit curious about this?” she says, fixing me with a skeptical look.
Okay, to be fair, if I didn’t know Sullivan and Drew were totally faking then I might have some of the same questions. But I wouldn’t be sitting around trying to puzzle them out; there’s a line between curious and creepy, and I’m pretty sure that’s it.
“Okay, I need to remove myself from this conversation before I go insane,” I mutter, getting to my feet.
